Smell Me, I Stink So Good!

Call me a paradoxical, sleazy, whorey teased and mussed up thang! The usually classic Coco wearing me, lingered a little too long at Walgreen's earlier this evening. The Celebrity Stench was wooing me with it's seductive hot-ass odor(To you, Gentle Reader, no, it didn't smell anything like what you may imagine a hot sweaty ass smells like), I mean aroma. I was a little hungry when I approached the "Dessert Treats" collection featuring the glamorous Chestica Simpson(nickname stolen from DListed) as spokeswhore.

I grabbed the butterscotch toffee deliciously kissable hair and body shimmer mist. With one whiff I felt myself falling dizzily, hopelessly and totally in love. I was floating high above the Mawl sauntering hand in hand with Fabio, as we searched for the perfect CZ at Sears whilst sipping Asti and nibbling Russell Stover. It's a good thing my mother bought me that wacky scuunci wiglet with the dangerous little braids and razored pieces to sex up my hair.

I didn't just stop with the spray. I bought the matching lotion AND shower gel! It was close to sixty clams, big boy! Now I'm going to smell like the most sprinkely twinkley sunshiney fresh baked butter toffee beignet in town. You'll smell me three blocks before I arrive. People will come out of their houses smiling in disbelief, half dazed as I walk The Chidler wondering where the goodness is coming from.

It's just me, I'll whisper and wink, giggling as I shuffle by in my red patent PVC hotpants, teetering on my matching stilettos as my boob pops out of my fishnet halter. When I say eat me, I mean it! It smells so good I want to lick myself. Now I know how The Chidler feels. Remembering those weird girls in grade school who actually ATE bits of the giant size Bonnie Bell Lip Smackers, I get it!