Monday, May 11, 2009

Friday, May 08, 2009

to blog or not to blog

i feel so icky. just gross. the positive thing is that i'm finishing an 18 credit semester with a 4.0. so suck on that. in other departments, things just totally suck. summer is practically here and i just want to crawl into my own cave deep in the woods and tell everyone to fuck off. ahhhhhhh.

sf and i are having a battle of wills. he tests me at every turn. last night he decided he couldn't wait to have dinner so he grabbed this enormous food club bag of skittles and started chowing. when he refused to stop, i said fine, go ahead. enjoy those. you can eat all the skittles you want. in fact you can have fucking skittles for breakfast lunch and dinner. go right the fuck ahead.

this morning the nanny texted me and said he threw up all over. i didn't feel bad. honestly, i just want to jump on a plane and never look back. yes, i do mean to bitch because it has been hard. very hard at times being a single parent. and it outright sucks sometimes. so excuse me while i just scream loudly to myself and FUCK! FUCK! FUCKITY! FUCK! copiously.

piss off.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

things that go bump in the night

i have so many strange dreams and thoughts. i vacillate from thinking 'i should write that letter' to 'fuck it'. these feelings of fondness are usually sparked by tom petty songs. the longer you stay away from writing the harder it seems to be. like do i really want to write down what i'm feeling?

i feel attached in time to someone. i haven't spoken to this person in a very long time, but the feeling is always there. it's a fuzzy little creature living in the nether regions of my mind. upon waking i have remembrances of this 'thing' rooting around causing a disturbance or two. fighting with the locals. usually it leaves me with a glow. and then i think, am i nuts?

someone can send you a line or two and you can sense their warmth. they really have it. others are so removed and obscure that any attempt at connecting with you seems bizarre or contrived. what the fuck do they want? honestly, they need to come right out with it and not fuck around. no cryptic babble, please.


baby, don't it feel like heaven right now? don't it feel like something from a dream? why yes it does and yes it is.

a dream.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009