Wednesday, November 10, 2010


I'm hoping that only the tried and true bother to check in here these days. This might still be the year of Heidi, you never know. For the most part, I feel frustrated and on the verge of something. Binge drinking, hitchhiking, injectables... sex with strangers. Maybe it's time I try all of those things you're never supposed to. I'm bored with this place, my role as a single mother, life. It just keeps getting harder and harder every day.

I used to look upon so many things as an "adventure". Fuck. I was so stupid. Now it seems I'm just waiting for the world to come crashing down around me. Oh, I still try. I try every day. I usually only think that silver lining is going to appear when I'm near death and the chemicals in my body are breaking down causing me either euphoria or fear. Just keepin' it real.

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

My Lonely Place

Hello My Lonely Little Blog...

How are you? I'm fine. Doing alright. Hanging in there. SF is going to be seven in March and I wonder where the time goes to. Sometimes when I drop him off in the morning at school, I wonder what would happen with him if I died. If I never saw him again and it breaks my heart.

It's impossible to describe how fast time flies by unless you are feeling it and experiencing it. I sometimes wonder if I am experiencing 'enough'. Everything seems robotic and routine. What makes up for this is the sweet morning hug . A genuine cuddle that exudes true warmth and an "I love you mommy."