Snowflake was such a patient shopper today I had to take him to a Playland to burn off some pent up cart riding angst. Too large for his size, this Playland was a little scarey, but not as scarey as my mother's bathroom experience. Snowflake and I were playing and I didn't even notice she was gone. I saw her walking back towards the entrance.
"Oh my gosh, Heid,"she says coming in through the glass door, white as a pasty fish belly on the shore of Lake Michigan, but almost brimming over with a kind of laughing disbelief that can only be described as possible post traumatic stress.
"What the hell happened?" I say smiling yet concerned.
"Well, I walked into the bathroom and there's this little old lady about 75 or so, standing there wearing a mint green skirt facing me. 'Oh, hello' she says smiling in a sweet gentle voice, 'I ruined my stockings' holding her crumpled pantyhose up in her hands. Oh, that's too bad, I tell her, feeling sorry for her. Then she turned around and there was a huge shit streak from the top of her waist to the bottom of the hem, right down the middle of her skirt."
"Oh My God! Oh wow!" I say breaking out in laughter, "What the HELL?!" I can't believe it.
"Obviously she didn't know she had it on her skirt! I think she works here," she rambles.
"No way! Oh My God! What did you do?" I say. Yes, we all know shit happens, but not literallylike this. All I kept thinking was "Oh, hello" and then whoa, shit!, SMACK!
"I just got the hell out of there," she laughs nervously, "I felt sorry for her but then she turned around and I was just like Oh My Gosh! I have to get out of here now!"
"Yeah, and where the hell and just how did she take those pantyhose off? What the hell?!" I say again.
"I don't know, Heid. I don't even want to think about it. Let's just get out of here," she says.
For once I agree with her, thinking to myself just one more reason to avoid public bathrooms unless absolutely necessary.
3 comments:
Public Restrooms. Yea, I got a problem with that. If you didn't read this post I wrote last month, you'll see why your reason is probably my #17 reason for NOT using public restrooms IN MALLS! Pleah! --oh and side note, to your response to my MOMS Club post when I first had her, I wanted to meet others that had them too! That was the only way I knew at the moment. Then I got talked into it. Trust me, if YOU read THE MANUAL on the club, you'd become an anarchist too. I'm shutting it all down sisiter, SHUTTIN IT DOWN!--end sidenote rant.
Oh you guys, I can just picture the scenario, although I don't really want to.
I see you have been so affected by the last post that you have gone into hibernation.
Doo-doo must be taboo! I am so used to the shit scene what can I say. I just don't want to face it in uncontrolled situations. Poop from your bambino's diap is one thing, pulling a bandanna out of you dog's ass is another, but geriatric foreign poop splatter is all-together different!
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