Toys and Torment

The witching hour is almost here so I better hurry before I turn into a giant pumpkin. I've spent the last few hours ordering Snowflake lots of HABA toys for his birthday. I drive myself crazy by googling the item number in quotes to make sure I find the best price. It can be maddening and it's so un-aquarian. They make they most amazingly cute room furnishings and really neat birthday candles. I was looking for the birthday caterpillar but had to add the king and the beetle as well. I am a total freakin' addict for HABA toys. I love them so much I think I'll just go ahead and marry them.

Yesterday I bought a case of 'vegetal' kimchi flavored noodle bowls at Sam's. Normally I look at the ingredients. Snowflake and I scarffed a big ol' bowl last night. I added organic peas and corn to the mix. It was so damn good. I don't think I've had ramen since 1991. After the nosh I checked the ingredients...beef bone stock, beef fat and beef flavoring. Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree! A vegetarian's nightmare! I felt a little queasy but then I thought, what the hell. You can't eat a McDonald's FF without getting a mouthful of beef flavoring. My chuckeye eating coworker offered to take them off my hands.

Something has been on my mind lately. I know it's been discussed before. I noticed Yoplait has a little note on the side of the container that says "PROTECT WILDLIFE CRUSH CUP BEFORE DISPOSAL". Apparently Skunks LOVE yogurt and the little rim around the top acts as a locking device rendering them unable to remove it. Piss me off! Miss Paranoia doesn't crush the cup. I get out my Leatherman tool and cut the bastard up. I'm not buying anymore Yoplait no matter how much Snowflake likes it. Screw Yoplait and the lousy ass that designed that container.

If there is any justice in the world, that person will die in some bizarre accident while closing up their home in the Hampton's. The paper may read,

He was found with a TGI Friday's Margarita Mix bucket stuck on his head, suffocating in a matter of seconds. He will be interned in a giant Yoplait container and shot out of a special cannon he designed for that very purpose. In lieu of flowers the family asks that donations be sent to the Sierra Club or Greenpeace because Bob really loved nature and the outdoors.