Walking around the yard with Snowflake today, a small clump of snow white crocus' emerged from the barren ground. There were three blossoms and I thought that was sort of curious, one for each of us- Snowflake, Charles and myself. I unknowingly transplanted them to the side of my yard when I brought some things from my granny's garden years ago after she died. These little blooms are my yearly reminder that Spring has finally graced us with her presence. No more manhandling the neighborhood. Now it's on to staring at my neighbor's fastidious and beautiful yard, the adventures of the anal retentive gardener. My wild brambley grapevine hedge blocks the view completely about mid summer. For this I am thankful. The simplest and most mundane tasks become incomprehensible when you're alone with a two year old.
Today I began the process of cutting some of the overgrowth away. This entertained Snowflake for about two seconds and then it was chase the crazy chicken. He likes to help in his own way. My hands are all cut and scratched from pulling some of the wild berry vines out. I was happy to uncover the two orange poppies that grow there. No sign of the Bergamot yet. I wish I had the time and the patience to do more.
Yesterday Snowflake and I attended a grade school carnival in a tiny town just west of here. They had simple, fun games, raffles and a silent auction. Tickets were a whopping .25 a piece. I stuck a ticket into a drawing and won a humongous bag of Fair Trade Organic Coffee from Green Mountain Coffee Company(Vermont). Seriously, it's like a 10lb. bag of the house blend. I never win anything. Maybe my Polish luck is changing.
I'm glad Spring is here, but I just can't help but feel a foreboding sense of melancholy. No, Aunt Flo is not coming 'round. Maybe it's global warming. Maybe it's the lack of office space and banks in my town. Maybe I just don't want TomKat to end. In fact, I really think we need a contemporary cable channel that digs into current topics and makes unauthorized biographical Lifetime style movies out of them. Why did Angelina kick Brad to the couch? I have a feeling she's like the black widow, she mates and then she kills! She was just gene shopping. I want to see that horndog Barbara Streisand making it as she goes around the world, flopping gracefully from man to man and bed to bed, doing it her way. I think one of the worst movies I saw was "The Main Event" with her and Ryan O'Neil.
Maybe part of my melancholy is from a post I read by Lotus about Soulmates. A soulmate is not necessarily a lover, although it can be. I think I am obsessing more over that connection you find with someone and you know you'll grow old with them. I know I've met one of my soulmates. My best friend is a very hot gay man living in Miami. He's living such a successful life, filled with travel, love and good friends. If anything happens to me, he is the person I want Snowflake to live with.
I know he's one of my soulmates. I met him when I was 15 although we were in the same Kindergarten class. We moved away until I came back sophomore year. In high school he asked me to our Junior Prom and I freaked out. How could my best bud like me in that way?! (Note to self: HE DIDN'T) The weird thing is, my birthday is 02.07.69. His is 07.02.69. Our fathers have the same exact birthdays. The strangest thing we've learned is that our great grand parents are buried next to eachother in this beautiful little cemetary in a blip of a town two skips from here. We have remained friends through some juvenile and difficult times. I love him so much. I'm thankful for him. But the whiney bitch in me wonders if I will ever find true love with a straight man.
3 comments:
FYI... I'm not conplaining, just contemplating. Spring is just the time when thoughts turn to new beginnings... images of Bambi, bunnies and chicks hop through my head. I'm too busy to share Snowflake or myself with anyone, except my hot gay soulmate. JK
Heidi
That is so sweet of you to say. Finding one's "soulmate" could be a lifelong pursuit. Sometimes I wonder about these people who say they found their soulmate. What really is a soulmate? What is the true definition of a soulmate? Is it possible to have multiple soulmates? Sometimes are soulmates are right before our eyes...but we don't call them soulmates.
Multiple orgasms and multiple soulmates....I believe they are possible!
I'm not actively seeking a soulmate, just MO's. I met another person once and I still have a feeling that they may be one of my soulmates. I can say it was something I've never felt before and I knew it the first time I looked inot their eyes. I have no idea if the feeling is reciprocal because we've never spoken about it. "They" called me a few weeks ago and left me a message on my machine... I haven't spoken to this person in well over a year. I can tell you that when I heard that voice, it brought a natural smile to my lips and very warm vibes of happiness , comfort and dare i say love to my heart? It's a very good feeling if that's what it is. I think people get too tied up in the fairy tale idea of soulmates as their romantic partner. I don't know what my beliefs are, but I tend to gravitate towards the idea of reincarnation and that we live lives over and over with the same group of souls playing different parts each time until we get it all right. ??????????
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