I told SF I'd run down to the subterrainian grotto to get the DVD player. It was still in the same place I left it two plus years ago, covered in basement dust and funk. In the back of my mind I was afraid a vindictive posse of those hard crusty bodied centipedes might wriggle out of the tray and come at me once I gave it some juice. I despise them.
My house babysat a large screen television for my parents a few years ago during one of their many nomadic phases. I was hanging out with the dogs, watching something, enjoying a little 'Marcus Welby'(my codeword for pot) and a margarita when what to my wandering eyes should appear? A giant shadow of a centipede sidewinding across the screen. It was motherfucking HUMONGOUS. Freaking out, I had the balls to move closer only to find that it was inside of the television. Yuck, creeps, fuck. We were on the same level, existing together and I couldn't destroy it.
Luckily I didn't have any run-ins with it's relatives last night. I hauled the Yamaha five disc changer up and pondered, 'Now what in the mother 'F' of Jefferson Davis did I do with those pesky accessory cords to hook it all up to the Microtron SpongeBob?" After 20 minutes of searching with an expensive blue bright LCD flashlight I found one. It didn't work. We had sound but no picture. That is beyond annoying.
That expensive flashlight? Fuck it. It's a 'blue' light, kind of like the irritating, scorch-the-core-of-your-eyeball halogen headlights on european cars. Oh yeah, and you can't tell the difference between yellow and white when you use one in the dark. Since you're polish and unprepared as usual, you don't have an extention cord so that the TV, DVD player AND lamp could all be plugged in at the same time.
Luckily, living without a techie metrosexual(except for the time I dated the Bald Eagle, a hairless, techie metrosexual and mamma's boy seven years my senior) most of my life has rendered me with a can do, never give up attitude when it comes to stereos, cell phones, computers, televisions etc. and all of their connective accoutrements. I found a few more cords and VOILA! we were in business, baby! PeeWee bounded into the living room in his full quirky Technicolor glory. Ice cream soup anyone?
dvd players, centipedes, LCD flashlights, PeeWee Herman
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