As your world shrinks, so it expands. When I was preggo with SF, I had one really close GF. I had known her for so long and she was there for me through so much. Everyone has their little 'isms' and I'm no exception. She didn't like my boyfriend. In fact, I don't think she ever liked ANY of my boyfriends. I guess when I think of it now, they were all stupid assholes. When I became pregnant, I asked her to PLEASE just keep it to herself. She didn't. She felt the need to tell her boss so that when I walked into the showroom one day, I was caught by suprise as she 'congratulated' me on the 'good news'. I was pissed. I guess I shouldn't have been suprised as she had done this to me on numerous occasions in the past.
Earlier in the summer I purchased tickets for us to see Dave Attel. My boyfriend was taking a friend and I was taking her. The day of the show, we were scheduled to leave at 2pm after my BF finished work. That morning she called me and said that if she had known that we weren't leaving in the a.m. she would have just worked that day. In fact, she could have just went to Minneapolis and helped a friend with her new house for the entire weekend.
Hormones raging, I let loose the dogs of my inner hell. I felt like she wanted me to pick her over him. She may have been the better choice, but I wasn't bending. All of the past insults to my confidences came flooding back and I told her I didn't care if we were ever friends again. She didn't go and I broke up with SF's Y that weekend. I lost them both.
That friend from Minneapolis? She was someone that she became friends with through me. I'm sure they never would have connected had it not been for me. Ex friend was the personal attendant for her wedding this past Autumn.
I spent the following seasons going through my pregnancy alone with my pets. I still consider my Minneapolis GF a friend, but we're not as close. We talk when she comes home to visit her other friends. She called SF on his birthday. She is sweet. We have a connection but I know things will never be the same. I take responsibilty for my half of the drift. Sometimes I avoid her because she is such good friends with my EX friend. I guard myself more now. I just don't want my business getting back to Ol' Jabber Jaw / The Town Crier.
I really miss her sometimes, Big Mouth and all.
friendship, betrayal, trust, loss, big mouth, pregnancy
4 comments:
Oh, that breaks my heart. Stories of lost loves, lost friendships, trust misplaces always do. I'm a sucker and would have made up with her long ago, just to know she wasn't mad at me. But if you don't want her in your life, don't bother. That's a good rule, though not one I follow very well.
Sometimes I think about calling her, but this September it will be three years. I've seen her since then and we are polite, but I just feel like we don't have alot in common anymore. It makes me sad but being a mom limits and changes your lifestyle(at least for me it did). I could never be the kind of mother that put some immature desire ahead of SF's needs. I know now that he's getting older that he doesn't need me all the time, but I still want to be there for him. Some people just don't understand that. I don't like the way things ended, but some say everything happens for a reason, so, I will leave it up to the Universe.
Hmm. Your blog inspired me to write about my own dissatisfaction with a friend. It's funny when things change in a longheld friendship. I feel sad that we no longer have a lot of things in common, however, I feel sorrier for her that she's still caught up the drama that is her life. Even worse, I think she's really comfortable in the drama.
I've never been fond of the saying that things happen for a reason. However, I do believe that good can come from any situation and there's always something to look forward to. You strike me as a person who finds the good in life and makes good for herself. Keep on truckin'.
Heidi
Always live life in D...as the commercial says.....neutral is OK from time to time to gather one's self....but never in Reverse....We don't know what the Universe has instore for us...but we just have to trust it! I continually want to pick up the phone and say hello to my ex in the hopes that he will realize that our friendship is important and that what happened in the past is just that...the PAST. I guess I am the mature one...always was...my hope is that one day he will come around and we will be friends again. In the meantime...I am living life in D and concentrating on me and my new man...and doing what makes ME happy!
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