In my carefree and careless days before Snowflake, I would walk the dogs. Hardcore. They pooped. I kept walking. Screw that, I'm not picking it up, I thought. Sometimes I did if they crapped in the neighbor's yard otherwise I'd walk after dark when no one could see the hunching haunches.
I was a taxpayer with no children in the school district and I retardedly rationalized my behaviour. I was in the best physical shape of my life.
Enter Snowflake.
Snowflake now accompanies on walks and I have to teach "Good Citizen" behavior. They poop and I scoop. Snowflake poops and I scoop. This is getting old!
I am now reformed for the most part, unless I run out of bags.
Let's just say they (all) have very healthy digestive systems, especially The Chidler. In Karmic justice, I'm flabbier because I can't walk as much, as far, or as fast now with Kananga(that's James Bond for Snowflake).
I know, I know. I should have shoveled all that shit to begin with.
15 comments:
True Confessions. Are you ready for this? I hate picking up poop, hate it! If Otto poops in someones yard I always pick it up. However...I think about the lessons that I am teaching Mason too and so if Otto poops elsewhere I've been known to get the bag out, bend over and pretend to pick it up. I hate it that much! How shameful is that!?
Oh, so that's what you're doing when I see you in my yard! So it's not a poop bag, it's a Prop Bag. Hee Hee! That is funny! I too, have done a fake scoop, especially if it's a crap that you know, just cannot be bagged.
LOL! OMG, anniem and MsMamma! I on occasion, did the "bring the bag out, make sure people see me with said bag, stoop and PRETEND to pick up the poop" too! I'm embarrassed! That was when I lived in the city though...and yes, I did pick up poop most of the time though. Now that I live in the country, my dog has acres upon acres to do his business, and luckily Chance has been trained to go in the high grass where no one walks. LOL
Ohhhh....Lord
Come on girls......you change shitty diapers! What in the hell could be more revolting than that? That's the reason I decided not to have children. My mom made me change my little brothers diapers when I was 9 or 10 years old. That is the stinkiest Stinky on the planet. Now your scared of a little dog shit?
I must be anal retentive. I have a Pooper Scooper for the yard, and I take my doggie bags with me when we go for our walks at the river and the beach.
I swear...sometimes Ab & Em are double baggers. They will hold it till they get to go on their walks, just so they can shit in a strange place. They have got me trained to bring 4 bags along, because they might poop when we first get there, and then decide it was so good that they want to do it again a little further down the trail.
I never said I was scared, in fact I have pulled a myriad of things OUT of my dogs asses, although not bare handed (this is why i keep the catalpas). Is that really the reason you decided NOT to have kids, Jimmy? ;) Hee Hee.
I can say Charlie has you beat. On a three miler he will use a bag at least four times if not five. I f I can say one thing about my dog, he is a prolific shitter.
I'm an occasional pooper-picker-upper. Usually Genevieve does her business in some ivy underneath the elevated train tracks. And if she doesn't, she will often crap on a lawn owned by the city. If it's in these two places, I don't bother to pick it up. If, however, it's somewhere else, I pick it up.
She doesn't really dump out all that much, so it's not that bad. Still, I'm picking up shit!
OK...My bad......Why don't you like to pick up behind your furbabies? Is it a rebelious kind of thing?
OK......please dont tell me Chidler uses the same bag 4 times? Hopefully you use 4 seperate bags! I put my hand in the empty, inside out bag, grab the stinky, and then pull the bag up over the masterpiece and tie it off.
Man...he is prolific....and I imagine quite volumetric too?
As for pulling things out of their arses. That's the least of my worries. Abigail has major anal gland malfunction. I have to express her anal glands about every 4 to 5 days. Now that's some stinky stuff! Ever done that?
I can't really nail it down why I didn't feel the need to reproduce. I guess I figured the world is too phucked up to be bringin a kid into, and I sure didn't want one to turn out like me.
I made the decision to get snipped in my early 30's and no regrets.
Ms.mamma.......I don't know why? But I'm addicted to your friggin blog and your wonderful sense of humor. Thanks for lettin me vent here!
I agree! This is a very addictive blog! BTW, MsMamma, did you end up getting that elevated dog bed you were telling me about? I have a feeling you can build one for a reasonable price, and custom design/tailor it to your pooch's liking.
I usually pick up poop...but not if it's in the ivy. But I'll admit that a couple of times I have honestly forgotten to bring a bag, and PRETENDED to pull one out of my pocket and pick it up if someone is watching. Oh, the shame of it all.
And Jimmy's right about one thing...kid poop is WAY worse than dog poop. Blech. Unless Gen's been eating a pig ear or something. FOUL.
OMG. This is funniest post I've ever read. I second Jimmy and Christine -- your blog is awesome and addictive! Love your fresh produce!!!
To clarify for myself, orginally pre-Snowflake it was an eff you to the city where I pay alot of taxes. I didn't get any tax creditss, so I let Charlie crap wherever, better still if it was on some city owned property as Py Korry admits. Ha Ha.
Yes, every shit deserves it's own bag.
Charlie eats Eagle Pack Holistique so the size is not great. He poops small for such a big guy. I've often wondered what kind of creature produces these massive bologna gauge segments I've seen in the park. Now if one of my dogs did something like like, I would feel an obligation to the universe to pick it up for the sake of all mankind!
Kid poop is 100x worse! Right on.
And Christine, here is a link for building those kinds of beds for about $12. I wonder how well they would hold up. If you ever go to England, pick me up an Original Dog Hammock. They are the nicest looking but you can't find them in North America.
BTW, when I still had a dog (Coco 1994-2004, R.I.P.) - a 70 lb chow chow-cross, he would shit relentlessly anywhere and everywhere. Sometimes I felt like I was being a good citizen by picking every single one of them, I even scooped after people who didn't bother. But the shit grossed me out and I could only tend to my own load - and well, when winter comes -- it's hard to find ALL the shit in the snow... who am I to blame?
The nasty one is... Whenever he gets a canned treat (the wet stuff)... the outcome is simply revolting. I learned to use newspapers, double-bag and triple bag... and like Jimmy said, my dog trained me to carry 5 or 6 plastic bags. Even when I'm not walking him I would have a plastic bag or two in my bag, just in case I come home and he's gotta go gotta go.
Whooooo hoooooo....I mean Poooooo Pooooooo
Ms.mamma's Poo Poo addicts have got me laughing so hard.
I feel some some kind of primitive bond with everyone single one of you Poo Poo chasers.
The Poo is really getting deep in this comment section.
Thank you so much for stirring the shit tonight Ms.mamma.
Totally disagree people. Dog poo is worse than kid poo, as long as it is your own kid. My kid is my own flesh and blood so very few things gross me out. Soggy, sucked-on Goldfish anyone? My dog, who knows what he eats.
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