Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Thankful

Everyday is a day to be thankful, it's only highlighted once a year. Five years ago, Snowflake was a figment of my imagination. Someone I never knew would exist and when I look at him now, I can't imagine that he never did.

Kids at two are something else. Along with the trying times come some of the cutest, most unforgettable moments. I love his little squished chipmunk voice. I adore his long surfer curls that everyone says need to be cut. When he hugs me with his velvety chunk arms I melt. We have always been together, just the two of us.

I don't miss my childless days. I know some moms need a break, a few hours here or there. I can understand. I don't get that though. I have nowhere to take him or anyone I would want to leave him with even if I wanted to. We go through it all together. Our bond is stronger because of it. He has taught me all about patience.

Five years ago a little two year old girl lost her mother. In one of the most traumatic situations I can imagine, her mother was stabbed in the heart and died on the kitchen floor. People say that Ava didn't witness her mother's murder. She tried to wake her mommy up and sustained herself by getting cereal with her blood stained hands and nursing from her mother's corpse.

I nursed Snowflake until he was a little over two.

They say she was alone with her mother's corpse for 24-36 hours. Christa Worthington was a single mother, like me late in life. Her baby was her world. I feel so sick when I think of that little girl trying to wake her mom up. I can't imagine that scene if it were Snowflake.

Imagine the horror that it was supposedly Christa's garbage man who murdered her. Do I discontinue the chocolate? Not funny, but it makes me think. Small gestures of kindness can be interpreted the wrong way by different people. But being kind makes the world a better place. This is what I want to teach him.

This story haunts me. My worst fear is that something will happen to me and I won't know what happens to Snowflake. Ava is now seven and being raised by her mother's good friends.

Everyday I hug him tightly and thank the Universe for bringing this lucky star to me. I can't imagine my life without him. I am so thankful for that hug. It's priceless.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

What a gruesome story! Sometimes those are the ones that haunt us, though. I'm glad you and snowflake have each other, and I'm sure your garbage man harbors no homicidal thoughts towards you. Maybe toward some of those NON chocolate giving folks...

Anonymous said...

Wow....From real American Hero to Super Duper Suspect?
Nice twist on our thoughts.

Fear has it's values. I'm sure every Battle Hardened Hero has faced their fears and controled their emotions long enough to live another day. Or maybe they were crazy enough to dive headlong into the battlefield welcoming death, but somehow came out unscathed?

Fear is the most powerful tool in the Media's tool shed. Fear of Global warming, Fear of Suicide Bombers, Fear of Serial Killers, Fear of the wrong Political party in charge, and the list goes on.

I guess fear of not being there to protect and watch your loved ones grow would be the most powerful. That fear is what helps some people survive their suicidal tendencies.

Damn.....we've got to be thankful for fear this Thanksgiving!LOL

Anonymous said...

All single moms have these fears. And then they are grown, and on their own, and you fear you will desert the cats, leaving them confused and hungry.

Mostly, garbage men are really, really, good guys. Mostly, people can be trusted. You pays your money and you makes your bets.

Anonymous said...

What a heart-wrencher that story is. Gosh. It's gotta be traumatic for her growing up knowing this. Poor baby.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your thoughts! Once again, Maya's granny comes through with her pragmatic words and sage perspective. You just have the right words! I can only imagine what J will be like at your age. Awesome ladies the two of you.

Jimmy Interesting thoughts as well.

And CC, yes, I feel for her sooo much. Hopefully she is surrounded by lots of love, and that will carry her through life.

Anonymous said...

OMG, what a sad story :( I feel so sorry for that little girl. How creepy it is that things like that happen and that it's not as uncommon as we think.

Really, there is so much to be thankful of each day. That's why we must live life to the fullest, because you never know what will happen to us tomorrow. Always go to bed saying "I love you" to those special to you. I know it sounds cheesy, but that's what I do :) Je sais, 'ah quel fromage!'

Anonymous said...

hey ms.mamma!
happy thanksgiving!
your snowflake sounds scrumptious!
good nursing stamina!
i think babies need that much mommy milk!
mod*tot nursed til 2 1/2 then i had my "cyst" check
+ it was breast cancer + i don't want to miss out on her life either.
she's never had a babysitter
people tell me to put her in preschool (daycare)
but i don't want to be away from her + i don't have the stamina or immune system to go with her. anyway, she's learning a lot + 4 is a good time to start preschool