03.09.02
Hello My Sweet + Most Lovely ____-
I had a terrible night last night. I didn't sleep - if I did, it was fitful, restless, exhausting. I thought alot about what you said last night- that if I didn't hear from you again, or you from me, that there would always be a place in our hearts for each other.
In the eternal battle that can happen in the blink of an eye- between the heart and mind over reason, the heart emerges victorious (much to the dismay of the mind). I am mystified beyond comprehension- somehow I have fallen in love with you... it was beyond my control. Yet, I take full responsibility. How can this be? Not everything that happens in life can be understood so neatly.
My heart is a good one- a few flaws here and there, but overall resilient and beautiful. There was an ice storm last night and even the strongest of hearts, like trees can buckle under the weight of harsh reality. I think that happened to mine last night.
I don't ever want you to be sad. I don't want you to apologize to me because you think I'm sad and it has something to do with you. It's very difficult, but I attempt here to make it easier to let go. I want you to know that the door to my heart is open to you. I leave it open for you. At the same time I understand if we don't talk anymore- distance and the unknown can kill so tender a blossom thoughtlessly in its youth.
Thinking about the what ifs can drive a person mad- life has to go on. We have to take from this mystery that will never happen again, a sustaining drink of joy. Remember it until something new dims that special place reserved for one another in our hearts and minds.
Please do let me know how you are doing from time to time. I will do the same. And I would like to see you whenever you're in the area. I will send you the photos of the lizards and the mini-worlds when I get a chance. I won't forget. I bought this card last June in NYC @ Rizzoli. At the time I didn't know who I bought it for- now I know. Please take care of yourself and be well. Know that I care. I think of you too often. I love you and I let you go.
Heidi
9 comments:
I can't beileve I was so daring as to dangle myself like this. Four years later, I still feel glad that I wrote this letter.
Such a sad letter, but beautiful as well.
I never got it.
What an amazing letter. I'm glad you shared that with us.
I loved every bit of it, but mostly your paragraph below!
"Thinking about the what ifs can drive a person mad- life has to go on. We have to take from this mystery that will never happen again, a sustaining drink of joy. Remember it until something new dims that special place reserved for one another in our hearts and minds."
That is perfect. I'd give my left one if I could communicate like that!
Jimmy, don't butcher yourself...just plagarize Ms. Mama! ;)
Good idea J.......the butcher job would definitely dim that special place!!!!!!
Laughing my arse off, you guys. I didn't read any comments until after I wrote the most recent post. So fricking funny, I needed that! I kept a copy of this letter because I was amazed at my depth of feeling here as well. It made me feel good to read this back to myself- that I could openely and freely tell someone how I felt in words. I had never written a letter like this before and it truly flowed out of me. I read it to my mother and friend before I mailed it and they both swooned. I'm glad I could share it with you.
You mean you never got the letter, Dino?! ;) There it is...
If I had known this before, I might have been a better fiance
Or at least had coffee
Jeeez, Dino. We can still have coffee...
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