Gob shite! My magical fluffy Saturday was marred by a letter from the COUNTY COURT. Fork! I thought it may have 'something' to do with Snowflake's Y, since I never sought paternity. I thought maybe he was back on the up and up, new teeth and seeking to claim his fatherly right. I guess it was the optimist in me.
It was a letter informing me I had been chosen for Jury Duty. ACK! I cannot beleive that out of all the souls in the county, I am one of the chosen. I have a problem with it. First of all because the D.A. has absolutely no style whatsoever. She reminds me of Miss Piggy. I think it might be the stocky little, frumpy gray suits and how I imagine her fleshy stubby hoof like feet stuffed into a pair of black Naturalizers. Her frazzled frizzy bleached dirty blond hair looming atop her head like a fuzzy beacon. Yet, Piggy has much more class. Piggy would only be seen coifed to the nines and in full Prada.
Although she doesn't know me personally, she's seen me.
An aquaintance of mine owns a very snazzy shop and has a swanky party there every year. In my salad days a few years back I was hopped up on cheap red wine and on my way out of the gala laughing crazily. I knocked over some candles beneath her steely glare. Babbling and chattering incoherently my friend directed me to the outrance. Smooth move. This year during his open house she just happened to be talking to him when I came into the shop. He greeted me warmly with a hug as I gave him a picture of Snowflake as Willow Boy.
She looked at me as though she were a Grizzly Bear and I had stolen her fresh trout. Okay, I will give her that, she has the power of the glare, yet it seems to be wasted on her unkempt appearance. Her "Do" is layered, feathered, and flipped back with floofy bangs curled under, spacked stiff like the comb-over on Donald Trump. This is not so bad. It's the back of her head that is the problem. She has the ratty-gnashed-I-just-got-fucked-laying-on-my-back-over-and-over-because-my
-husband-can't-come-look.
Top it off with some liquid black eyeliner and purple eyeshadow, glossy hot pink lipstick on thin pursed lips , (pancake batter courtesy of Max Factor) and you have Way Upper Midwestern Legal.
lawyers, frumpy, classless
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