Last night Sid & Nancy invited the familia over to their pad for a little Christmas cheer. Earlier in the day, Sid, Nancy, Snowflake and myself joined Big Pappy and two of his employees for drinks and lunch at a local poolhall.
The party kept going after I left, after Sid & Nancy left. The party ended about one hour before everyone was to meet at Sid & Nancy's. Big Pappy was completely and unequivocally shitfaced.
Apparently our 63 year old father went to a strip joint with these two guys. This club is like the Wal-Mart of Strip clubs. You know, everyone who works there seems retarded or inbred. I'm sure I know who wanted to go there and it wasn't Big Pappy. Our dad is like an amoeba, aesexual... about as lusty as a quadreplegic.
We're sitting there in my brother's living room and Big Pappy, all glazed and silly putty faced, is rubbing his thigh with a coaster, around and around.
"God! What are doing?!" I blurt, "Thinking of those classy ladies?"
Everyone just rolled. I really have to wonder about these two guys that work for my dad. It makes me think they are sexually malnourished and stunted. One complains about how his wife just "lays there" during sex like a certain scene from Six Feet Under and the other one is going all out and bought his little darlin' a Catholic School Girl getup for Christmas. According to him, you have to spice things up.
As he says, "It's the same old bisquit."
Can I just yak over here in the corner? Do they go home and fantasize about these skanks while they're jabbing away at their "old bisquits"?
The last thing I want to think about is any of these guys, let alone Big Pappy getting lapdances from hardcore lesbians posing as amateur strippers. It would be difficult considering two of them have bellies that cover their nutsacks!
Ho, Ho, HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
lapdances, strippers, drinking, holidays, dysfunctional, family
