Shitiquette

Evolving from the Pioneer's Conestoga, the modern mobile home is more than affordable housing on semi-permanent wheels. Some are cute little weekend cabins. Some beaters are actually used for chicken coups. Our office is one such tubular ground hugging structure.

Let me say a little about airflow in a 1992 14 x 70, there isn't any. What there is, is the stagnant recirculation of the same old air over and over. This particular dilemma is the catalyst for cerain bathroom dynamics between coworkers. To some, this may be in bad taste, but to me, it is a matter of survival.

We call this 'shitiquette'. We have the follwing rules between the two of us when you have to take a dump in the office bathroom.

1. If the furnace or central air is running, SHUT IT DOWN. If one skips this crucial all important step, the entire office ends up smelling like an airplane bathroom on the way back from Mexico. FOR HOURS! This is completely unbearable in winter as we cannot open doors or windows.

2. ALWAYS double flush. The first flush should occur as the majority of the mother lode is coming out so as to eliminate any noxious hangtime. We all know what happens when the furnace kicks on.(see #1)

3. Spray lots of citrusy or lineny air freshener LIBERALLY. I cannot stress this enough. Also, avoid any air fresheners that smell like something you actually eat, cinnamon immediately comes to mind.

When a customer comes in and asks if they can use the bathroom, we give eachother a nervous look. Will they drop a bomb? Once someone emptied their colostomy bag in our bathroom while the cental air was on in the humid high 80's.

That was enough for the two of us to pick and choose who actually gets access to the bathroom and shitiquette was born.