Thursday, August 09, 2007

Crazy with the Cheese Whiz

Tonight I made some fabulous Morningstar(yeah, I know the fvckers from Kellogs owns them along with those supposed "independent/alternative" asses from Kashi) spicy bean burgers for din-din. I thought I would let the sesame Bagels Forever bagels unthaw over the Michael Graves chromified extra wide four slot toaster(okay, this is beginning to sound like the hungry Polish vegetarian version of American Psycho). I smelled smoke and sure as shit, the bagels were charred and the house reeked of burnt toast.

Luckily, I had more bagels(the buns for the burgers) in the freezer and thawed them delicately. I decided to try the Soya Kaas American Cheddar style vegan cheese slices on our burgers. I unwrapped two and placed them on the fake burgers in the oven. A few minutes later when I removed them along with the "Spud Puppies"(Cascadian Farms organic tater tots), I felt like I was staring at something from another world.

The "cheese" had melted alright. It looked liked a clear piece of Saran Wrap with cheese colored melty goo rippling underneath it. It's been a while since I've tripped on acid and I swore I unwrapped the cheese carefully. I took a knife to poke the layer and make sure I wasn't losing my mind. Weirdness. It melts very strangely and shiny and freaky. It tasted cheese-like and it was an acceptable substitute.

Snowflake said it was the best burger EVER. Sometimes he says just the right thing at the right time.