Thursday, June 22, 2006


The easiest answer to any problem is medication. Got a pain? Vicodin should do the trick. Is it in the head? We could give you a little Oxycontin, but a shot of Demerol would be quicker. Kids a little too energetic for your lifestyle? Calm them down with some Ritalin or try the time release Dexedrine. Anxious? You definitely need some Xanax. Wait, do you think maybe you're having a panic attack? Here, here's some Valium. Having trouble sleeping at night? Forget those pesky relaxation excersises and have some Lunesta. Trouble getting out of bed in the morning? Yes, it's just fine to have some of your kid's script with your morning coffee. The key is to feel better, to feel good all of the time. Now, if you don't feel better after a few days, I know a corner where they sell the best SMACK in the city, very discreet. You can drive your mini van down there, no worries. Just tell them I sent you and they'll discount. I'd be happy to give you a script for morphine, but you're not terminal and I wouldn't want either of us to get in trouble. You'll be just fine, fine. Just don't breathe.

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