At the behest of Curiosity Killer, I am airing the little known secrets of my former steamy and now non-existent sex life. Just move along to spare yourself the tawdry details.
1. HAVE YOU GOTTEN LAID IN 2007? Nope. I'm sex free for a good three years and nine months at least.
2. EVER HAD SEX IN A PUBLIC PLACE? Yes
3. EVER LAUGH DURING SEX? IF SO WHY? Yes, because we were having a lot fun and something funny happened.
4. EVER CRY DURING SEX? IF SO WHY? Yes, but not because it was "so beautiful." I hit a very emotional place and it wasn't the "g-spot."
5. DO YOU LIKE TO CUDDLE AFTER SEX? Sometimes. Then again, there have been times I just want to go my own way and be alone.
6. EVER REGRET SEX WITH SOMEONE? Beer goggles. Enough said.
7. EVER FAKED AN ORGASM? Yes I have because I was young and extremely bored.
8. DIRTY TALK, OR SHUT THE F*CK UP? I've done the dirty for someone who requested it, but it's not my bag. If you're talking about NASCAR I would then definitely say shut the $%^& up.
9. EVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX? You betcha.
10. EVER MASTURBATE TO YOUR FRIEND’S SIGNIFICANT OTHER? None of my significant others had delectable SO's, so no.
11. EVER HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND? Nope. Plenty of mashing make outs, but no sex with complete strangers.
12. EVER HAVE A THREESOME? Nope.
13. EVER WATCH PORN DURING SEX? Not during sex.
14. EVER THOUGHT OF SOMEONE ELSE DURING SEX? Ye-eah.
15. HAS THE CONDOM EVER BROKEN? No.
16. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING SEXUAL EXPERIENCE?
It wasn't really embarrasing. I took a wad in the eye and for 24 hours or so, the white of my eye was blood red. Nice reminder. Sort of like a scratch in the Kama Sutra, but way more unattractive.
17. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY? 21 and it was incredible
18. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH RIGHT NOW? Jeeeeze. The first thing that comes to mind is my toy, but if I had to pick a person, it would be, I don't know, how about Bono. Um k?!
19. DO YOU THINK THAT NUMBER 18 IS POSSIBLE? I have no idea what this question means, sorry.
20. ARE YOU HORNY NOW? Not as horny as you are. I’ve got will power.(good answer CK, I'll use that)
21. HOW MANY SEXUAL PARTNERS? None, currently.
22. DO YOU LIKE SEX IN THE CAR? Sex is fun anywhere if you're into that person.
23. DO YOU STILL TALK TO THE PERSON YOU LOST VIRGINITY TO? I have no idea where he is, but he was the sweetest man I ever dated. Hola Raulito!
24. EVER HAVE SEX WITH A RELATIVE/FRIEND’S SIGNIFICANT OTHER? EWWWWWWWWWW — NO, NO, NO.
25. EVER BEEN WITH A CHEATER? No.
26. TOYS, GOOD OR BAD. Good.
27. LINGERIE. Yeah. It's alright.
28. EVER SLEEP WITH A CO-WORKER? No. Are you kidding? My cousin would kill us! It's slim pickings here at Quality.
29. WHERE HAVE YOU HAD SEX?
(X)park
( )church
( )cemetery
(x)beach
(x)boat
( )school
(x)parent’s bed
(x)your bed
(x)car
( )picnic table
(x)kitchen counter
(x)couch/chair
(x)dining room/kitchen table
(X)woods (open and/or in a tent)
( )hood of a car
(x)bathroom
(x)shower
(x)bathtub
(x)the other person’s bed
(x)porch/deck/balcony
(x)in a house with parents home
( )at a party
( )on top of the washer/dryer
( )with another person in the room
(x)hotel
( )concert
( )grandparent’s house
(x)field
( )bleachers
( )bookstore or stock room.
( )Linen closet
So…….. who’s game?
