Recently someone had the audacity to suggest that maybe it was time for me to touch a penis again. The phone rang this morning and it was my mother, claiming she would take Snowflake because my father had a bunch of stuff to go over with me at the office. Immediately I was skeptical but I went with it. I dropped him off to meet her and went to work.
I arrive at work and I immediately notice my co-worker/the son my father never had/mentally thick meathead’s car wasn’t there. Another red flag as the bald headed italian is ALWAYS early on the mornings my father returns from a vacation.
“He went to get the mail,” my sperm donor says. Yeah, right.
“And, your mother is going to watch Snowflake from now on and you’ll be here five days a week. This is an office and not a daycare,” he affirms.
“Right. What a bunch of bullshit!”
“I knew you’d react like this. Like a little girl. I think I’ve been more than generous with you and you said when Snowflake was pottytrained he’d go to daycare,” he snaps.
“Fine whatever. It’s slow down here and this is not a typical ‘professional’ office,” I shout.
“Well, that’s going to change. It is going to be and that office is going to an office, “ he says.
“Well, tell me this, did you tell Paco(co-worker) before you told me?”
“It doesn’t matter, I knew you’d react like this,” he skirts.
“Did you?!”
“Yes, I did,” he says.
“Yeah, fuck you! Of course you did because he’s your main concern” I say.
From there I went into my office and tore down any semblance of my personality rendering a completely neat and sterile environment devoid of any trace of Snowflake. Motherfucker. I threw out five bags of shit that had accumulated in there. Some of it wasn’t mine. Some of it was the pigishness of others. I usually clean up the mess down here anyway, including the bathroom where the stench of my coworkers ass can hang for hours.
I found this cheap little stuffed pink bear in a gift bag my father gave to me once. This in itself was so out of character for him. On the bag it said”For Someone Special” and the hand tag said “love, Dad”. I sat it in front of him and told him to give it to Paco. Later I grabbed it off of his desk and threw it in the garbage.
It will be only a matter of time before my mother says again that she has no time for herself and I have to find someplace to take Snowflake. Or they go on vacation and Snowflake will come with me to work while they're gone. All I have is Snowflake and now I will get him at the end of the day when he’s tired, cranky and ready for bed. I know how the masses feel and it sucks.
Oh I’m ready alright. Ready to touch a penis only if it includes hacking it off.
*That picture? Me circa 2000. A different co-worker(different office) brought some guns to work so I had him take my picture. I hate guns, too. Love the hair, Heid.
