Once again I have resolved to flush the bullshit from the toilet bowl of life. Take for example Exhibit A who had a birthday a few weekends ago. We were very close growing up. She has always sent me a card on my birthday which is an awesome and sweet gesture. I take full responsibility for flaking out in the past and never sending her a card. This year was different.
This year I sent her an adorable gold and diamond charm in the shape of a martini glass on a delicate chain. I bought two of them on clearance at Target after Christmas. Originally $69.99(oui, bebe) marked down to a paltry $16.84! I gave it to her freely, but I most certainly would call someone if they sent me a REAL diamond and gold trinket. Am I weird for thinking she would at least call me and say thanks? She hasn't.
Weirdo Numero Dos is someone I was very close to pre-bambino. A few weeks ago she called me a few days apart leaving the same exact message on my machine which leads me to believe she had to be drunk one of those times. The message is always the same in a exhausted, why bother living kind of tone,
"Hi. It's me. I really want to see you and True. I'm very busy, maybe we could get together this weekend, but I have some things I need to do so..."
Something like that. She says she wants to see us, but doesn't actually see us. She lives a half a mile from me. Today I called her and it was like pulling teeth, sitting on a cactus, listening to nails screech across the chalkboard. Pure suffocation. Tension was the fragrance.
It was one of those phonecalls that leaves YOU feeling like the asshole wishing you wouldn't have bothered. Blech.
The Flake of the Year Award has to go to someone who led a class I took recently. I went to the gallery this morning to see my work and I was blown away by her sheer lack of effort in organizing and displaying everyone's pieces. I thought there is NO WAY she would ever want her own shit displayed in such a manner. I seriously would rather have not included my work.
Sometimes one flush just isn't enough.
flakey, people
13 comments:
People disappoint. I'm learning this the hard way these days too. Am having to come to terms with how it's okay to have "expectations" from people, as long as I know I have no control over their outcome. This is also why I'm trying to be so much better at acknowledging people in my life. Thank you cards are key.
People do disappoint. It's unfortunate, but true. They also infuriate, aggravate, anger, befuddle, embarrass and entertain.
I like that last one sometimes.
Yeah, this kind of thing sucks. I have several friends who I would love to see, and I send gifts and cards....but I get nothing in return. No thank you, no phone call, etc. When they DO call, it's "I'm such a bad friend, I'm soooo busy" blah blah blah. Sigh. Dissapointing? Definately.
Many so-called friends have been pretty flaky in the recent past, so this post hits close to home.
Flush away sister! Purging feels sooo good. Why keep things in your life that make you feel sick?
Although, I may be the one considered flaky. There are a couple people whose calls have gone unreturned. I just don't have the energy or desire to maintain contact but don't feel the need to tell them so. It's okay, they have enough drama that they probably haven't even noticed that I'm not around.
I want my next toilet powerful enough to flush a full grown possum with one flush!!!!!!
The friend thing. . . . .
This happens with sooooo many of my friends. Remember when I was talking about the Tuesday night book club thing? Yeah. . hasn't happened.
H- sounds like you need new friends.... nice gestures mirrors eloquent thank u's, if they don't, they lack class. I wouldn't stand for that. You could handleit a couple diff. ways, either 1. send a card to her with a huge question mark inside with your return label on the envelope so she knows it's from you, 2. send her a note saying 'oops, that charm was ment for a friend, I mistakenly sent it to you and give her the address she can mail it back to you ... it'd be funny to see if she did it or not, OR 3. you can just ignore it and let it go. BUT if you are like me, who if in turn did what you did and didn't get response back whatsoever, I'd go for making her loathe in her own hate/bordem dull lack of class life and make her 'move about' and deliver the goods back to me (which is option #2). If people aren't good people and can't act like a normal human being it's fun to make them work for their humility. Fuck her, show her who's boss of YOUR world. Who does she think she is, the fuck'in HOME COMING QUEEN?? bah.. even they get fat. I bet she's miserable inside. Cut her deep.. that was shitty. Now I know everyone reading this will think i'm a 'not so nice person' but if I went out of my way to make 'amends' with an old friend and she ignored me in my over the top gesture, I'd get the hint, and give her a hint back with some soild action of what I'm all about. That's all I've got to say about that H. Hope your day wasn't totally spoiled. Although, that would have been total suckatude for me. C- :)
I couldn't agree more with megs and Lynn. We oftentimes enter into friendships, amorous relationships, etc. with unrealistic expectations. It is perfectly normal to set expectations however; we must learn not to get angry or upset when that other person does not live up to OUR expectations of them. Some people are incapable or unwilling to make accomodations, or meet our expectations. When that happens WE have a choice....either deal with it and make exceptions, or walk away from the situation if it is not in vibration with our life path. If they cannot give us what we want it is not right for us to expect them to change their way of being for US. They are who they are. Some people are simply stunted and cannot move forward. They are stuck in their own mediocrity.
There was a time that I would have agreed with christine. Let's get even or try to "teach" them a lesson...show them who is boss. I have learned there is a more mature, or nobler way of handling these situations. It takes a lot of self-confidence and fortitude to walk away from a situation, or relationship, that has run it's course, or no longer fits within our "higher" plans. When we walk away from these people, it doesn't mean they are "bad" people....it simply means they no longer fulfill our needs or desires.
Some people come into our lives for a brief moment, fulfill a certain need, and then depart just as quickly. Others come into our lives a remain their for a lifetime. The hard part is recognizing when it is time to let a person or relationship "GO", and accepting the fact that this "purging" is necessary for US to move forward and continue our journey.
Unfortunately most of us recognize, or learn this the hard way. Take me for example...I stayed in a relationship for 1 or 2 years longer than I should have simply because I didn't want to hurt the person I was once in love with. I still loved him, and continue to love him to this day, but the relationship no longer met my needs or was congruent to my life path. It was unrealistic of me to expect him to change for ME...for years I thought he would eventually change in order to please me, or for the health of the relationship. For whatever reason he was unable or unwilling to accomodate me and my desires. I chose to stay in the relationship but one day realized that it no longer was fulfilling. He was stunted in his personal growth and the relationship suffered. I finally chose to leave the relationship but it was not without pain and grief. He chose to get "ugly". I simply chose to seek therapy and disappear from his life. I needed to set him free in order that he may one day find someone who better fits into his life plans. There was a part of me that wanted to teach him a lesson, and get him to realize how good I was to him....but I chose to be the better person and walk away from a bad situation. I can now say that I am a bigger and better person because of what I experienced. I have learned to communicate better and have, in the process, learned a lot about ME. I will always love Gabriel and wish him well. I hope that one day in the not-so-distant future we can be friends....but I have realized that is not up to me...it is ultimately his decision. Although I would welcome him back into my life as a lifelong friend, I have no expectations, and with that I have freed myself of the anxiety I once had for the loss of someone who was once very special to me.
Gabriei - I will always love you!
with all my love,
Paul
Thanks for all of your extremely thoughtful thoughts, seriously. This afternoon the phone rang. It was Weirdo Numero Dos and she had just read my blog. Startled, I told her it was my place to do "my thing"(yeah, the phone call caught me completely off guard) and she said 'thanks alot, see ya' and hung up on me.
Part of me felt a little bad, but I knew full well that she read my blog once in a blue moon. She must have felt something was amiss in our conversation, perhaps. I take full responsibility for what I wrote and the consequences. I ask "what consequences? since she's been non-existent for months. Like we all seem to concur, at some point you have to just let the shit hit the fan and land where it may even if it hits you square in the eye.
amen sista!
it is interesting how people react when you hold a mirror up to them. defense. i doubt folks would get so angry if they knew it wasn't true.
Heid
While surfing the www I came across this message and felt it was appropriate for this post...
A thought...Are you a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime?
Pay attention to what you read. After you read this, you will know the reason it was sent to you!
People come into your life for a reason a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON...it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need had been met, our desire fulfilled, and their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.
When people come into you life for a SEASON it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life.
Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like no one is watching!
-anonymous
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