I've been having a terrible month. Rather than sugarcoat and glaze over things in a phony superficial way, I'm just going to lay it out. Snowflake hates Little Explorers. My father informed me that I will most likely be laid off in two months("you'll get $XXX a month" he bellows "if you file for unemployment, but you're too good to do that" that however doesn't pay a mortgage and car payment I can't afford without his fvcking Poo-Bah Benevolence).
"You should find a husband to take care of you instead of me!"
"You're exactly the reason I don't want a husband!"
It makes me sick. He makes me sick. He makes me feel like the most helpless and insignificant person in the world. Is it any wonder I'm alone? Is it any wonder I have such a twisted view of men?
"And what have you been doing with your Y membership? I paid for that too. Just like when you were in college and you didn't use it."
"I'm glad you're keeping a running tab on everything you've given me. Don't talk to me anymore."
And so it goes, around and around. If it sounds pathetic, it is. I have been trained to know this, from day one. Kept under the big thumb. Self-loathing. I have glimpses where I like myself sometimes. Here's my blog, I'm worthy of something. I actually feel nauseous, sick to the core. I have no savings, unless I cash out my successful stocks(thanks to the Benevolent Father) and use them to pay off my house and say fvck retirement.
I just spent the last three hours searching job listings knowing I have no skills in any microsoft application. I can't type efficiently. I'm fvcking worthless unless I want a job cleaning toilets. I will have to refinance my house for 30 fvcking years and get a job whoring coffee. At least I'll get decent insurance. And cheap coffee.
