I've never been the kind of person to just rip big farts in front of the people I love. I would freak on a road trip or any trip with the family when one of them would let fly the stank of ass. I mean you should never shit your pants in close quarters where there is no escape from the stench! Geez, I was sooo delicate. I thought it was so rude. In any of the relationships I had, I never felt comfortable enough to just let it fly.
Funny how time and having a baby changes your perspective. When a good friend of mine went on a romantic trip to Mexico with the man she would marry(the first trip they took together, early in the relationship), they suffered Montezuma's Revenge. Taking a shower together, cringing at first when one of them "accidentally" let it slip and then deciding it was funny and beyond their control, they couldn't help it but gas it up. I told her that it must be true love.
I have chilled out on the functions of the human body. For example, on Thanksgiving I made these crazy delish blue cheese scalloped potatoes(which also contained a ton of caramelized onions). I was at my parents and everyone had left. My stomach was in knots. The first few times I ran to the bathroom in excruciating pain and experienced these ridiculous cartoon blowouts of enormous proportions. Gawd, where did that come from?!
I couldn't make it to the bano for the next wild backfires, so a few times I let it go in front of my mother. She was shocked.
"Geez, Heid! WOW! I thought you didn't 'do that' in public!" she sarcastically quipped.
I told her I thought I was going to die and apologized.
Last night I had dinner with The Godfather who was home from Miami. We went to this little place and I ordered the veggie kabobs as usual. When we returned to my parents cottage, I felt the need to crack one. It wasn't too obnoxious, sort of 'silent but deadly'.
"Did you fart?" he says surprised.
"Um, yeah. Sorry, my stomach hurts."
"I can't believe you just did that! Remember when we were in Target and you just cracked one? God, it was so loud!"
"Not really. I must have did it for the shock value. Don't you fart in front of A(his significant other)?" I ask.
"No, we usually go in the other room."
This is after dating/living together for three years. I couldn't believe it. I mean, I've never done it, but I always thought when you were in a real relationship this is something that you just did. I'm not talking 'dutch ovening' or anything, but if you go to the bathroom in front of someone, what's a little gas between lovers?
Obviously this is a highly explosive subject.
12 comments:
Hysterical! The family word (it didn't come from me!) is 'parp' in our house. As in "You parped, daddy!" We're never going to be accepted as royalty, that's for sure.
LOL! You're tooooo funny! Those SBDs are killer. You know, I haven't ever heard my husband fart...ever!!! I've accidentally let a few escape when getting ready to doze off for the night. Hubby kind of just laughs. We're married, but it still kind of embarrasses me. It shouldn't- I mean, it's a natural bodily function! I was brought up to behave like a 'lady' and a 'lady' never toots in front of others! LOL! Ah well, I guess I'm not a 'lady'!
My favorite point, or one of them (we had sex and stuff too) in my last relationship...well all of them was the point when I could brush my teeth while she peed.
I mean the last relationship, the one you know, here in Wausau, could Dutch over the life right out of me. I swear, her colon was a death zone. Were lucky we never had a pet.
I think that the cool moments come in relationships in the bathroom...and this is going to be weird...but the girl from college wanted to hold my penis while I peed every now and again. I found that strange, but I had to go so I did not care where it got aimed.
I think that as we grow truly intimate that line slowly goes away, and we are truly together. We poop, pee, fart, shower, whatever. I think that those times are magic, and the magic comes from our loss of ego in the love we feel.
Totally agree with you, Dino! I really like that comment you made. The best thing about relationships is the ability to be yourself and be comfortable with your partner at all times. For some reason, I have yet to hear my Hubby fart! I don't know why! I even asked him, "How come you never farted in front of me?" I mean, I'm sure the guy farts! He's a guy! LOL! He just said, "I don't know. I guess I'm not really that gassy!" LOL!!! I asked my MIL and she said he's never really had any flatulence problems! He's not a gassy person! LOL!! OMG. BUT, I do think it's cool how he can brush his teeth while I pee. We only have one bathroom, so it works out great that we can do that! I agree with you that it's wonderful to just be able to let yourself go and be free when you're in love.
I guess with regard to farting, I just wasn't raised to let 'em rip in front of others. With close friends and family if it happens, we laugh it off. I grew up with 12 boys (10 boy cousins and 2 brothers). There were a lot of farting competitions! LOL! If I ever accidentally let one go, they'd all be like, "Ewww. That's gross." LOL!
About your former gf who wanted to hold your penis while you peed....wow! That's different! :p
Dude! That was some funny writing! I have to say that, yeah, bodily functions are natural, but to this day, there are many things that J and I won't intentionally share with one another.
P.S.
I went over to Dino's MySpace page, and thought his cover of "When Doves Cry" was quite good!
Geez!! How do you get that line back? I kind of miss those days of fresh scented air. After 7 years our bedroom rarely smells of perfumed candles, now more commonly "eau de rank ass"!
Only on your blog would we have such enthusiastic discussions about bodily gas, dog dunks, and what nots. Heidi, you rock!
Oh my, no, I could never fart in front of Py, (though I'm sure over the last 19 years I have on more than one occasion, but it's purely accidental) and no way would I poop or pee in front of him. It's not a trust thing, for me, or hiding who we are, but there are just some things I don't need to see.
Now if we can just get the kid to close the door when she does HER business, we'll be good. ;)
BIG SIGH... I just want to thank all of you for such thoughtful comments on flatulence. It's enough to warm this overwhelmed Grinchy feeling heart. At this point in my life I really don't want to share bathroom with anyone other than SF. Grrrrrr... It is perfectly natural, but I just would hate to feel inhibited if I were feeling sick and yet, I wouldn't want to do that in front of a "cute boy". GUSH GUSH
I'm just in lame spirits lately and I apologize for not responding to all of your fabulous comments. You guys ROCK, not me. :)
So heres what I am wondering ladies...what is the story exactly with holding my penis when I pee? Okay, maybe not just mine...because all of you have not asked...though I suppose if you did I would let you, but it has come up in the successive intimacies I have had.
Is it the aiming thing?
Or just another way to drive on nuts?
And was there ever a rap group better than "A Tribe Called Quest"...Bonita Applebum you gotta put me on
I've asked to do the deed. You've got a clue...I think it's just the fact that you guys have this hanging appendage that you can AIM when you pee. It's also just a very powerful icon to hold in the hand of one who doesn't possess their own. It also shows your vulnerability by submitting to that request.
Heidi
You really know the honeymoon is over when you get in bed with your wife, let one rip and then pull the covers up over her head!
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