Saturday, August 05, 2006

Penis Bird

Everyone tells you boys are full of piss and vinegar. Not a two year old, for the love of gawd! I thought I had it made, a perfect little cherubic love bug. What was a temper tantrum? Really, don't ask me then because I had no clue. He who could do no wrong eventually began to walk and assert his independence. He no longer needed me, was no longer fascinated by the wonder of the Mamma Bird. After a brief phase of biting, we were back on track. The love affair was never lost. All was well in Rome.

Now it seems as though we're headed for divorce court or the Ides of March in August. My once breastfeeding, still co-sleeping attached former sweet pea is asserting his two year old dominance. A friend comforted me once by telling me that two year boys have the highest level of testosterone they will ever have in their entire lives.

This makes complete sense as he emerges from his bath and seriously slaps at his business, grunting, growling, even wrinkling up his nose and howling like a beast. There's no calming the rager down, if I try to tell him to chill he'll come back with something robust and ribald like,

"Oh Mamma, you penis bird!" and laugh crazily. Yes, new words and ways of putting them together are just magical and mysterious.

Recently he's gone completely WWF on me. He'll jump on my back, kick, bite and slap. He thinks it's funny. It's completely unacceptable behavior to me. Patience is so very precious and I find myself a bathroom "shut in" to escape his evil ways. Yes, this time the love affair is REALLY over.

Then he pushes his face to the glass door and says in the sweetest little chipmunkish voice,

"I'm sorry mamma, I apologize," I melt like buttah. And I'm in love, just for a second, until he tries to whack me again.



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8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Not much has changed for me...I still do that stuff when I get out of the shower...LOL!

Anonymous said...

That was just the thing I needed this morning! BwaHaHa. Some things never change then, right?

Anonymous said...

I have to say, my "terror" prefers the dogs unit to his own...Oh GAWD! What does that mean?

Anonymous said...

Something about being an XY that brings out the devil...

Anonymous said...

Both my boys are like that. The youngest is starting to assert independence. I am dealing with a lot of anger coming from both of them. I am sometimes at a loss on what to do.

Anonymous said...

If I have a child, I want her to be a her. No penis bird for me.

Anonymous said...

Maybe when he turns three it will get better. If this is any consolatiion, girls give you a mind beating.

Anonymous said...

GG- Maybe it's time to get a cup for the pug!

Ted- No comment. ;)

Crystal- Consider me the the Wizard of Oz and I give you a medal of honor for taking care of those two princes like you do!

Lynn- Your child is bound to be just perfecto, either way.

LaLuna- Some say three is worse than two. Boys, girls, who knows. Crazy hormones, cramps and periods. Oh, I think I'll take the occassional broken light bulb and dumped shower gel for now.