Driving around I saw a pair of Sandhill Cranes flying low, just grazing the tippy tops of some old pines. They were so close, so large and magnificent. So beautiful and ignorant. They just do what they do.
In the old neighborhood, I saw my best friend's dad in his front yard. He was picking up some lawn debris and putting it into a trash bag.
I flashed back to our highschool years, now almost 20 years ago. A tall strong good looking man, always working outside, working with his hands. Lean. The kind of person that truly knows the meaning of hard work. Dark, dark hair and in the summer, always tan.
Here now, crouched over, picking up some leaves. He looked so small, bent over and tiny. Shrunken. White gym socks pulled up just below his thinsational knees, still tan. The raven's black gloss now stood shockingly white against his bronzed brow.
Where did the time go? The same place beauty goes, I suppose. It's a funny thing when you come to the realization that you probably aren't "cool" anymore. Trying to be a hipster when you have actual hips just doesn't cut it.
I try to ignore the fact that I haven't "made a mark" on the world. I admit that I have no supreme goal in life other than to raise a decent little boy into a man alone. I am scared to find out what happens when your parents die.
Maybe I don't know the meaning of hard work.
loneliness, aging, fading, youth, parents, death, failing, life
5 comments:
I know this feeling. I told someone today that my father is 66 yrs old. And saying that out loud stole a little bit of breath. But Ms. Thang, you know so much more than you think, everyday making littlebig marks.
HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND? Mark on the world...who is sleeping in your house right now...that is the biggest mark you will ever be given the opportunity to make. The legacy of you, is in that little bastion of possible, that little in the moment creature, that little divnier of truth...you give him the tools to cure cancer, or stop aids, or fight aliens...whatever....you make him into that, and even if you do not make some mythic mark...I say this to you...I see you, I know your here. I will remember you forever.
Your right there. I see you.
That little person that you are shaping into a smart little boy, then a good man is a huge accomplishment. Take credit where it is due, you deserve it!
I absolutely agree. The most important thing I've ever done or will do was raise Julie and Richard. Anything else is frosting on the cupcake, but the real deal is the cupcake.
And, by-the-by, I love sandhill cranes. They stop over for a few days just outside of Fairbanks on their annual migrations and seeing a field of them is a wonder. They make a noise like a creaky gate hinge that is delightful to listen to. I love visiting my friends in Fairbanks in early August, because the cranes and Canada geese are there and we go out every day to the bird sanctuary and watch them.
The things you say or do make the mark. You may not think so, but it is the small things that certain people remember you said or did and pass down to there family and friends. It is like a domino effect.
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