For years I thought Jane magazine was so fresh and snappy and sassy. The last time I read it cover to cover, it had readers from 13 to 39. When the office subscription arrived the other week I fingered it. Flipping it open to a reader survey, I almost seized when the most popular "older man" you wanna get it on with was none other than George Clooney. Whhhhhaaaa?
Um, how come I never thought of George as an older man? When I think older, I'm still thinking Harrison Ford older. Woe is me! I am NOT the demographic. Nor is Jane the old gal she used to be. I guess I need that subscription to More magazine now. Frick.
Fricking. There is no fricking in my neck of the woods save for the horney hell hounds that cohabit the bungalow. It's amazing how a cute dog can lose his charm so quickly when mounting another and shotgunning the ass end like a jackhammer. Stranger still is when they're looking at you while they're doing it. She wants to wag her tail but...
You know, you can't really yell at a dog and tell them to stop humping. It's just what they want to do. It's a constant reminder of my sexlessness. Three years. Three years! AHHHHHHH! I loved sex and now I can't imagine wanting to get close enough to someone for that purpose.
Yesterday they went to a new vet for shots. I was directed to this vet by my dog loving neighbor and friend, Nurse Trudde.
Oh, I say one thing, Gentle Reader. All the while thinking another.
This vet specializes in large animals, farm animals to be exact. He was kind of short and athletic. Tan with salt and pepper hair, blue eyes framed in round wire rimmed glasses. A scratchy gruff voice and funny. He was wearing shorts, showcasing his muscular calves and a heather gray t-shirt, telling charming antedotes about an old neighbor who had a little dog that humped everything, people, pillows, anything. He complimented the pugs on being good looking dogs and was amazed by their compact builds.
Mmmmmm, mmmmm, mmmm. He was just so sexy in a OLDER than George Clooney kind of way. I just wanted to do the PUG and mount him. Let me be your large farm animal Mr. McVet!
7 comments:
Okay, I'd rather be a LUVAAA than a large farm animal.
Harrison Ford is an older man??? Isn't Fred Astair the older man?
Point well taken although Fred is no longer *!@&able. Hee Hee.
Hmmm. My older man would have to be Cary Grant, though, yeah, way TOO old. As in dead. But still. Or Jimmy Stewart, for that matter.
I'm guessing you have a pregnant dog by now, though I guess that will be taken care of soon, huh?
We came home once to find a very little dog (Rags, I don't know what kind of curly haired mutt he was) humping my 50lb lab/st. bernard mix, Samantha. I don't know HOW he got up there, because he only weighed about 10-15 lbs. But yeah, she got knocked up. Very cute puppies.
Good choices J! I'll take those two as well. Let's add Omar Sharif( a few years ago) and Peter O'Toole and Sir Alec Guiness circa Bridge on the River Kwai. For some reason I think Yul Brenner as well. Sexy bald man.
They go in on Tuesday. Supposedly you can still spay a preggo dog, not one in heat though -which if she is preggo will lead me to another dilemma altogether.
OK, so I felt a little tossed about in this post between the dogs humping and the people you want to hump. But I think I got it all sorted out. For a second, I thought you were confessing that you're into farm animals, but no. That's not what you were saying at all. I realize that now. Whew.
Whoa, no farm animlas please! I guess what I meant by When in Rome was more like giving in to the animal nature of the humping pugs, be more like them, jump on the horse(not a real one though). Hee Hee. Sometimes I am not very clear. I ramble. I jump and skip and hop from point to point with little thought of who might be trying to decipher this.
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