Thursday, March 06, 2008

Hold It!

I splogged too soon. When I walked into the dogs room about a half an hour ago I could scarcely believe my eyes. A piss line went across one of the dog beds and up the bottom part of the wall.

"O my gosh! What is this? Who did this?" I exclaim.

"Well it wasn't me. It was one of the dogs," he says.

Somehow he's lost his charm and I don't find it quite as amusing.

"Jeepers, SF! You can't just go around peeing in the house! You know what will happen? The dogs will start to think it's okay for them to start peeing everywhere!"

"I'm sorry mom. I apowagize(yeah, that's how he says it)"

"Well, I'm really upset! That's just not cool!"

We go upstairs and I give him a quick bath and shampoo and he smells and looks heavenly. Like black currant absolute and patchouli. We get his monkey pajams on and I ask,

"Okay, so are we clear on peeing? Have you peed anywhere else in the house?" a part of me knowing I have to be cool.

"Well, I peed on the floor here and behind my caterpillar and once over my plasma car behind the couch" he says, batting his dreamy little bluebugs at me. Jesus, Mary and Joeseph. I make him show me exactly where and I clean it up, even though the evidence is gone in the dim light of the evening. I mean it could have been weeks ago for all I know.

"Can I have my Buzz Lightyear now? I'll pee in the toilet from now on. I promise, Stommy."

My hand reaches to where I have it and he says, "I knew it was in your pahhhcket" all fa-la-la-la-la singsongy. For some reason I'm hearing the theme from Damien the Omen.

It occurs to me that maybe this is payback for peeing on that guy's dorm room floor in the middle of the night twenty years ago. Karma...