Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Monday, May 21, 2007
Two Days
Friday was a completely wonderful evening, strolling the streets of this little Berg and taking in some local art in a Gallery Hop sponsored by the downtown organization. Sweet. My favorite artist by far was this guy who did large paintings of sexy broads. They were punky and funky and one was downright heavenly.
Saturday was the surprise anniversary party that I had for my parents. It was mah-velous, simply perfect. Since their anniversary was at the beginning of this month, it took them by total surprise. They walked in and everyone said, "Happy Fourtieth!" And my mother said, "Who's fourty?" It was hilarious.
I drank wine, red wine and too much of it. I know I'm a lightweight and I overindulged causing a bonified two day hangover. Deathly sick is an understatement. I do not miss the party girl days of late afternoons spent dry-heaving, so sick your body won't let you sleep even though you're exhausted.
Honest to gawd, I lost half of my brain cells. It hurt and now I'm foggy and hollow. I actually cried while watching the Antiques Roadshow, various commercials and ABC programming last night. On the way to work I was thinking I didn't know what was worse, being so ultimately horny with no real cock in sight or being so hung over that being on the wagon sounds like the perfect lifestyle choice.
Saturday was the surprise anniversary party that I had for my parents. It was mah-velous, simply perfect. Since their anniversary was at the beginning of this month, it took them by total surprise. They walked in and everyone said, "Happy Fourtieth!" And my mother said, "Who's fourty?" It was hilarious.
I drank wine, red wine and too much of it. I know I'm a lightweight and I overindulged causing a bonified two day hangover. Deathly sick is an understatement. I do not miss the party girl days of late afternoons spent dry-heaving, so sick your body won't let you sleep even though you're exhausted.
Honest to gawd, I lost half of my brain cells. It hurt and now I'm foggy and hollow. I actually cried while watching the Antiques Roadshow, various commercials and ABC programming last night. On the way to work I was thinking I didn't know what was worse, being so ultimately horny with no real cock in sight or being so hung over that being on the wagon sounds like the perfect lifestyle choice.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Friday, 11:55PM
I lounge out on the teak steamer under the pergola. Almost midnight and the sky is divided indigo. The tiny eyelash crescent moon balances. I hear the trickle of the fountain. Pavarotti echos as the wind breathlessly blusters my wild unloosened locks. I am swooning.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Domino Effect
I'm thinking about drinking.
Maybe a glass of red?
I'm not dead.
Things can always be worse.
Here's to the memory of you.
Stimulation
Working for my parents has its perks. Normally, you wouldn't think 'painting' would be a fun task, but it can be. Monday and Tuesday my brother and I helped Nana paint the cottage as part of her 'Mother's Day' present(she insisted).
When we went to the local hardware store(the ONLY place that sells paint & also the place where I made Snowflake spew his Gummies), Nana was thinking something mocha, something Haagen Daz Coffee-like. I was thinking a deeper dustier earthy tone. And then I saw it. It's called "California Dreaming". She couldn't decide. I told her if it were my house I would go with it, but the decision was hers. She has to live with it.
No shrinking violet, if she despised it, she could blame it on me(family tradition). Bro' had everything taped so I opened the can of fresh 'limon' and started rolling. It breathes. It takes on a life of it's own. Any color looks amazing against it. It is so vibrant it glows. It's a very invigorating and unexpected atmosphere.
The Clock says it's 4:20. That's funny.
Cubitec Shelving
When we went to the local hardware store(the ONLY place that sells paint & also the place where I made Snowflake spew his Gummies), Nana was thinking something mocha, something Haagen Daz Coffee-like. I was thinking a deeper dustier earthy tone. And then I saw it. It's called "California Dreaming". She couldn't decide. I told her if it were my house I would go with it, but the decision was hers. She has to live with it.
No shrinking violet, if she despised it, she could blame it on me(family tradition). Bro' had everything taped so I opened the can of fresh 'limon' and started rolling. It breathes. It takes on a life of it's own. Any color looks amazing against it. It is so vibrant it glows. It's a very invigorating and unexpected atmosphere.
The Clock says it's 4:20. That's funny.
Cubitec Shelving
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Fishing
My brother was fishing, fishing all day. He never even came up to use the loo so I assume he peed in the scrubby brush. My mom went down to check on him because even though he's 33, he's still her baby. And I'm sure she was wondering if he was drinking beer. He had a big pail of suckers or something and all of their heads were sticking up in the bucket. I had to see it for myself so I snuck out of the cottage and went down to the dock.
Sure enough, there sat a bucket full of fish, their heads poking up as they suffocated in the spent water. They popped up and made little 'puh' 'puh' noises as their mouths opened, quietly gasping. They were so elegant and tragic. I wished he'd throw them back but he was giving them to the neighbors. He said they were 'problem' fish anyway.
Just then he hooked something huge and ordered me to grab the net. Another big ass nuisance, a carp or a Dogfish. One more for the hillbillies next door. I wondered what the hell they were going to do with them. I just wanted him to let them go.
Or at the very least, give them some fresh water in the pail as a gift before dying.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Crime Scene
Tightly packed in Snowflake's mouth
I thought I could pacify him at the paint store
Instead, I forced a melee in the parking lot.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Sunday, May 13, 2007
The Thought Counts
He has good intentions.
"Mamma! I'm going to make you muffins AND pancakes for Mudder's Day!" he says like a Polish from the old country.
I wonder though. This from a boy who can't even wipe his @*!, let alone pull his own pants up. At least the aspiration is there. I love that little hooligan.
"Mamma! I'm going to make you muffins AND pancakes for Mudder's Day!" he says like a Polish from the old country.
I wonder though. This from a boy who can't even wipe his @*!, let alone pull his own pants up. At least the aspiration is there. I love that little hooligan.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Strange Fruit
Yesterday Char-lita and Big Jim called and asked if Snowflake and I would drop them off at the local airport. They came bombing into the office in typical Northern Midwestern Gambling Junket Finery: my dad wearing his red University of Wisconsin t-shirt, khaki elastic waist shorts(thank goodness he didn't tuck his shirt in which would have shown off his epiliptical/cigar/bomber hardroll shaped physique), buff colored Florsheim loafers and white socks that rested just at his shins.
My mother had on black stone-washed and cuffed crop jeans and a black tank top. What Angelica Huston is to a tall cool drink of water, my mother is to a kick-ass maragarita on the rocks. She had her strawberry blondish hair pulled up on top of her head and then ponytailed with an elastic at the nape of her neck. She had on a black leather belt with gold grommets that matched a cool black gold studded purse. Jersey chic.
They were headed to Atlantic City, maybe New York for a few days. They were chomping at the bit to get going so off we went, Char-lita as my co-pilot. They checked in and thought they'd get a bite at "Wings" the airport restaurant. Big Jim is a man who likes a good steak so I was shocked when they both ordered filets and shrimp. Snowflake and I would share a fruit plate.
Fifteen minutes later, you could smell the seashore/someone's rotting crotch before the aroma parked permanently on the tabletop. Three orangish quarter sized shriveled crustaceans arrived alongside a grizzeled grey chunk of meat. The fruit plate consisted of red and green grapes, vintage January 2007, two strawberries, a third of a banana and a raunchy piece of cantaloupe. A strange but sweet cloudy specimen-like yellow sauce the consistency of pancake syrup accompanied the melange.
As we said our goodbyes amongst the barely touched plates, I wondered what adventures lay ahead for the jetsetters and for Snowflake and myself as we went our separate ways, hungry.
My mother had on black stone-washed and cuffed crop jeans and a black tank top. What Angelica Huston is to a tall cool drink of water, my mother is to a kick-ass maragarita on the rocks. She had her strawberry blondish hair pulled up on top of her head and then ponytailed with an elastic at the nape of her neck. She had on a black leather belt with gold grommets that matched a cool black gold studded purse. Jersey chic.
They were headed to Atlantic City, maybe New York for a few days. They were chomping at the bit to get going so off we went, Char-lita as my co-pilot. They checked in and thought they'd get a bite at "Wings" the airport restaurant. Big Jim is a man who likes a good steak so I was shocked when they both ordered filets and shrimp. Snowflake and I would share a fruit plate.
Fifteen minutes later, you could smell the seashore/someone's rotting crotch before the aroma parked permanently on the tabletop. Three orangish quarter sized shriveled crustaceans arrived alongside a grizzeled grey chunk of meat. The fruit plate consisted of red and green grapes, vintage January 2007, two strawberries, a third of a banana and a raunchy piece of cantaloupe. A strange but sweet cloudy specimen-like yellow sauce the consistency of pancake syrup accompanied the melange.
As we said our goodbyes amongst the barely touched plates, I wondered what adventures lay ahead for the jetsetters and for Snowflake and myself as we went our separate ways, hungry.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Little Things
The sandbox is up and running. Just when I feel like I've accomplished something of value, a giant pile of shit drops dead center. The gnarly toothed landscaper that dug out the area for the aforementioned item told my mother yesterday that there are ants in the stump where I cut the tree down. That's right where the yard and a half of fresh sand is. Thanks, jackass.
I just don't notice that stuff. Yeah, I see the ants. I just didn't know they were going to make my backyard their Babylon. If there's one thing I hate it's lawncare and pesticides and chemicals. I have a 'managed' weed patch.
Fuck weed killer and fertilizer. I let the annoying Dandelions bloom defiantly in the sun. Last year I had the sleepy creepy Earwigs at the doorstep lounging in the woodchips and milkweed and this year it's a Vegas sized ant farm.
I went to the overpriced hardware store this afternoon(support the local fuckwads and all) and bought some spray that hooks up to a garden hose. Ortho Max says it kills all kinds of common pests in your garden and lawn.
$30 frickin' bucks later as I peel back the label it says it kills fleas, ticks and foraging fire ants IN THE LAWN. No mention of the typical bastard black ant. I hooked it up and sprayed away. Would Snowflake listen and stay off the grass?
"Fine! Run through the grass. I could care less if you sprout a few new testicles!"
I swear I love him as much as those damn ants sometimes. He is so much like me and at three he is just as stubborn as Yosemite Sam. I cherish this characteristic and loathe it. My blood boils. I do not want a Super Brat. I don't want to be a Super Bitch to him either.
I don't want him to grow up and be just another ant like me. I don't like ants.
I just don't notice that stuff. Yeah, I see the ants. I just didn't know they were going to make my backyard their Babylon. If there's one thing I hate it's lawncare and pesticides and chemicals. I have a 'managed' weed patch.
Fuck weed killer and fertilizer. I let the annoying Dandelions bloom defiantly in the sun. Last year I had the sleepy creepy Earwigs at the doorstep lounging in the woodchips and milkweed and this year it's a Vegas sized ant farm.
I went to the overpriced hardware store this afternoon(support the local fuckwads and all) and bought some spray that hooks up to a garden hose. Ortho Max says it kills all kinds of common pests in your garden and lawn.
$30 frickin' bucks later as I peel back the label it says it kills fleas, ticks and foraging fire ants IN THE LAWN. No mention of the typical bastard black ant. I hooked it up and sprayed away. Would Snowflake listen and stay off the grass?
"Fine! Run through the grass. I could care less if you sprout a few new testicles!"
I swear I love him as much as those damn ants sometimes. He is so much like me and at three he is just as stubborn as Yosemite Sam. I cherish this characteristic and loathe it. My blood boils. I do not want a Super Brat. I don't want to be a Super Bitch to him either.
I don't want him to grow up and be just another ant like me. I don't like ants.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
The Many Faces of MsMamma
It always freaks me out when I take a photograph of myself. I never think I look like I do, but I must. I think I look different in every photo. I am not photogenic. Sunday my mother curled my hair for 'fun'. Here's a little threesome starring me.
MsMamma as Robert Plant:
MsMamma as Sigourney Weaver:
MsMamma as herself( at 'werk') a few seconds ago:
That's just weird.
MsMamma as Robert Plant:
MsMamma as Sigourney Weaver:
MsMamma as herself( at 'werk') a few seconds ago:
That's just weird.
More Things You Wish You Didn't Know
From Curiosity:
INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so.
1) So a Blonde Walks Into a Blog
2) Pointless Drivel
3) Shelli’s Sentiments
4) CuriosityKiller
5) MsMamma
Next select five people to tag: (if you haven’t done it already)
1) The Cynical Girl
2) The D
3) Uncivil
4) (Un)relaxedad
5) PJ
What were you doing 10 years ago?
1997. I was working for my parents, single and partying.
What were you doing 1 year ago?
Being a mom and thinking about The Food Network.
Five snacks you enjoy:
1) strawberries, cherries, blueberries
2) Chocolates - Godiva Caramel Nut Bouches
3) Ice-cream
4) Granny Smith Apples w/ Jif creamy peanut butter
5) Nuts - almonds and cashews
Five songs to which you know all the lyrics: I know a lot of pop songs by heart….
1) The Queen is Dead - By The Smiths I know EVERY song on that list by heart.
2) The Theme from "The Love Boat"
3) Like a Virgin - Madonna
4) Spoonman - Soundgarden
5) Love Will Keep Us Together - The Captain & Tenille
Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1) Share the wealth
2) Turn my current abode into a mini-estate
3) Paint on canvas
4) Travel and have a second home in Mexico
5) Throw a big party and y’all are invited!!!
Five bad habits:
1) Biting my nails
2) Not using my YMCA membership lately
3) Eating Pizza
4) Losing my temper
5) Not spending enough time with my 92 year old Granny-Love
Five things you like doing:
1) Keeping the dog shit picked up... they shit, I'm the fly with the scoop.
2) Hanging out with Snowflake and the dogs in our new fenced in 'yardscape'
3) Eating
4) Photography
5) Road Tripping, even mini's.
Five things you would never wear again:
1) Leg Warmers
2) Hot Pants
3) Ballet Flats
4) Gauchos
5) Tube socks
Five favorite toys:
1) Camera
2) iPod
3) The Oral B
4) Adobe Photoshop
5) Apple Computers
From Chrissy:
FOODOLOGY
Q. What is your salad dressing of choice?
A. Homemade Ranch
Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
A. Taco Bell (Crunch Wrap minus meat add guac)
Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
A. I don't really have one.
Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A. 20%, usually, unless the service sucks ass. I waited tables in an Italian place after college, because this town was just HEAPING with job prospects.
Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
A. fresh strawberries
Q. What is your favorite type of gum?
A. Orbit Bubble Mint (thanks Glamgranola)
TECHNOLOGY
Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A. Just a simple swirly Mac screen, kind of orange with a whorl of color running through it.
Q. How many televisions are in your house?
A. Two. The 13" Sponge Bob and a 20" Sony(circa 1991 for movies).
BIOLOGY
Q. What’s your best feature?
A. My one good eye. I like my hands, but they're getting old, too. I guess I would say my hair. I just have a lot of it, thank goodness.
Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. Not really unless you're talking penis' and wood ticks.
Q. Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?
A. Hearing. I'm like a dog. (I can hear the neighbors through the walls of their house in the winter. Well, he is a dry drunk who yells a lot.)
Q. When was the last time you had a cavity?
A. Two years ago. But I was crowned twice last summer. Bastards.
Q. What is the heaviest item you lifted last?
A. I had to grab four 6"x6"x8' off the piles at Menards last week for the backyard extravaganza. All I was thinking was please don't let me drop one of these fuckers on my foot.
Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. No, but I was hit in the face with a tennis raquette. Doh!
BULLSHITOLOGY
Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. No.
Q. Is love for real?
A. I know the love I have for Snowflake is not of this Earth. Does that mean it's not real?
Q. If you could change your first name, what would you change it to?
A. No, but I thought if I was a writer my pen name would be Ezra or Scarlett something.
Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. Black, like the night.
Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. I've accidentally inhaled a gnat or two. My grandmother once grabbed a dog treat that looked like a cookie and chomped on it at Christmas.
Q. Have you ever saved someone’s life?
A. Yes.
Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A. Yes.
DAREOLOGY
Q. Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?
A. Yes, but I have my conditions: an unincorporated rural community at 1AM.
Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. Oh sure. Why not?
Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A. NO.
Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. That's a toughie. Maybe. Maybe not.
Q. Would you pose nude in a magazine for $250,000?
A. Only if it was sold in Albania or Nepal.
Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A: I would try.
Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. Never. That is such a creepy question!!
Q. Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
A. Sure.
Q. Give up MySpace forever for $30,000?
A. Sure. Never been on it.
DUMBOLOGY:
Q. What is in your left pocket?
A. Nothing. I'm totally nude. Actually, I don't usually carry things in my pockets. I hate the way it feels to have junk in them. Sometimes I carry a little tchochke, though.
Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A. I haven't seen it.
Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A. Hardwood and not enough of it, IMO.
Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A. I don't have a shower, just a big freestanding English bathtub, similar to the Starck for Duravit tub.
Q: Could you live with roommates?
A. I don't think so.
Q: How many pairs of flip-flops do you own?
A. None. I hate things between my toes.
Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A. When they tried to drop my drunk brother off at my house and the ASSHOLES pounded on my door and shined flashlights in the upstairs windows for over 45 minutes until I was so pissed off I answered the door.
Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A. I am so sick of this question. How about a wealthy philanthropist.
LASTOLOGY
Q: Friend you talked to?
A. Annie
Q: Last person you called?
A. My Mamma
RANDOMOLOGY:
Q. First place you went this morning?
A. Bathroom
Q: What can you not wait to do?
A: Get off the computer. Sometimes I just want to throw it away along with my cellphone. I hate technology and I love it.
Q: What's the last movie you saw?
A: Curious George
Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: I think so. I have my moments of fuckoffedness though. I despise disingenuous people.
INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so.
1) So a Blonde Walks Into a Blog
2) Pointless Drivel
3) Shelli’s Sentiments
4) CuriosityKiller
5) MsMamma
Next select five people to tag: (if you haven’t done it already)
1) The Cynical Girl
2) The D
3) Uncivil
4) (Un)relaxedad
5) PJ
What were you doing 10 years ago?
1997. I was working for my parents, single and partying.
What were you doing 1 year ago?
Being a mom and thinking about The Food Network.
Five snacks you enjoy:
1) strawberries, cherries, blueberries
2) Chocolates - Godiva Caramel Nut Bouches
3) Ice-cream
4) Granny Smith Apples w/ Jif creamy peanut butter
5) Nuts - almonds and cashews
Five songs to which you know all the lyrics: I know a lot of pop songs by heart….
1) The Queen is Dead - By The Smiths I know EVERY song on that list by heart.
2) The Theme from "The Love Boat"
3) Like a Virgin - Madonna
4) Spoonman - Soundgarden
5) Love Will Keep Us Together - The Captain & Tenille
Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1) Share the wealth
2) Turn my current abode into a mini-estate
3) Paint on canvas
4) Travel and have a second home in Mexico
5) Throw a big party and y’all are invited!!!
Five bad habits:
1) Biting my nails
2) Not using my YMCA membership lately
3) Eating Pizza
4) Losing my temper
5) Not spending enough time with my 92 year old Granny-Love
Five things you like doing:
1) Keeping the dog shit picked up... they shit, I'm the fly with the scoop.
2) Hanging out with Snowflake and the dogs in our new fenced in 'yardscape'
3) Eating
4) Photography
5) Road Tripping, even mini's.
Five things you would never wear again:
1) Leg Warmers
2) Hot Pants
3) Ballet Flats
4) Gauchos
5) Tube socks
Five favorite toys:
1) Camera
2) iPod
3) The Oral B
4) Adobe Photoshop
5) Apple Computers
From Chrissy:
FOODOLOGY
Q. What is your salad dressing of choice?
A. Homemade Ranch
Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
A. Taco Bell (Crunch Wrap minus meat add guac)
Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
A. I don't really have one.
Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A. 20%, usually, unless the service sucks ass. I waited tables in an Italian place after college, because this town was just HEAPING with job prospects.
Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
A. fresh strawberries
Q. What is your favorite type of gum?
A. Orbit Bubble Mint (thanks Glamgranola)
TECHNOLOGY
Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A. Just a simple swirly Mac screen, kind of orange with a whorl of color running through it.
Q. How many televisions are in your house?
A. Two. The 13" Sponge Bob and a 20" Sony(circa 1991 for movies).
BIOLOGY
Q. What’s your best feature?
A. My one good eye. I like my hands, but they're getting old, too. I guess I would say my hair. I just have a lot of it, thank goodness.
Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. Not really unless you're talking penis' and wood ticks.
Q. Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?
A. Hearing. I'm like a dog. (I can hear the neighbors through the walls of their house in the winter. Well, he is a dry drunk who yells a lot.)
Q. When was the last time you had a cavity?
A. Two years ago. But I was crowned twice last summer. Bastards.
Q. What is the heaviest item you lifted last?
A. I had to grab four 6"x6"x8' off the piles at Menards last week for the backyard extravaganza. All I was thinking was please don't let me drop one of these fuckers on my foot.
Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. No, but I was hit in the face with a tennis raquette. Doh!
BULLSHITOLOGY
Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. No.
Q. Is love for real?
A. I know the love I have for Snowflake is not of this Earth. Does that mean it's not real?
Q. If you could change your first name, what would you change it to?
A. No, but I thought if I was a writer my pen name would be Ezra or Scarlett something.
Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. Black, like the night.
Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. I've accidentally inhaled a gnat or two. My grandmother once grabbed a dog treat that looked like a cookie and chomped on it at Christmas.
Q. Have you ever saved someone’s life?
A. Yes.
Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A. Yes.
DAREOLOGY
Q. Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?
A. Yes, but I have my conditions: an unincorporated rural community at 1AM.
Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. Oh sure. Why not?
Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A. NO.
Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. That's a toughie. Maybe. Maybe not.
Q. Would you pose nude in a magazine for $250,000?
A. Only if it was sold in Albania or Nepal.
Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A: I would try.
Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. Never. That is such a creepy question!!
Q. Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
A. Sure.
Q. Give up MySpace forever for $30,000?
A. Sure. Never been on it.
DUMBOLOGY:
Q. What is in your left pocket?
A. Nothing. I'm totally nude. Actually, I don't usually carry things in my pockets. I hate the way it feels to have junk in them. Sometimes I carry a little tchochke, though.
Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A. I haven't seen it.
Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A. Hardwood and not enough of it, IMO.
Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A. I don't have a shower, just a big freestanding English bathtub, similar to the Starck for Duravit tub.
Q: Could you live with roommates?
A. I don't think so.
Q: How many pairs of flip-flops do you own?
A. None. I hate things between my toes.
Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A. When they tried to drop my drunk brother off at my house and the ASSHOLES pounded on my door and shined flashlights in the upstairs windows for over 45 minutes until I was so pissed off I answered the door.
Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A. I am so sick of this question. How about a wealthy philanthropist.
LASTOLOGY
Q: Friend you talked to?
A. Annie
Q: Last person you called?
A. My Mamma
RANDOMOLOGY:
Q. First place you went this morning?
A. Bathroom
Q: What can you not wait to do?
A: Get off the computer. Sometimes I just want to throw it away along with my cellphone. I hate technology and I love it.
Q: What's the last movie you saw?
A: Curious George
Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: I think so. I have my moments of fuckoffedness though. I despise disingenuous people.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Weekend Action
When you snog a smurf, you get this:
Eeeeeeuuuuu, I know.
And this:
A castle AND a sandbox (SF not included)
Eeeeeeuuuuu, I know.
And this:
A castle AND a sandbox (SF not included)
Friday, May 04, 2007
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
The Darkside
I hate to confess it, but 'someone' in the household has a problem and it's not me. Lately 'someone' has taken to picking their nose and snacking on it. Yesterday on the way home, I spied this 'someone' in the rearview all snuggly in the five point harness with a finger half way to Corpus Callosum. Immediately, in a booming supermarket loudspeaker voice I honk,
"Troll Gold Alert! Troll Gold Alert! Waaaaaaah! Waaaaaaaaah! Waaaaaaaaah!"
Shocked is an understatement. He looked at me and busted out laughing like I've never heard him before.
I've told him that was "troll gold" before. Boogers. Nose crust. Critters.
"You do know that if you continue to do this, you will turn into a toothless troll, right?"
"Nah-uh" he squeaks, giggling.
"Well, everytime I see you do that I'm going to sound the 'troll gold alert' and I don't care where we are or who we're with," I say.
In the past I've used the troll as a threat. Lately he avoids brushing his teeth and I have to do it. My friend told me that they tell their little boy that his teeth will turn black if he doesn't brush. He snaps to it. For me, this turned into,
"You're teeth are going to turn black, fall out AND you'll turn into a troll!"
50/50 chance it works. Not everything little Sweet Pea does is so adorable. He prefers to run around half naked and even when it's freezing out, he'll come spinorking outside to frolic, dangling his bits to the wind as if he were some little extra on 'Quest for Fire.' Oblivious to people, he's all non-chalant and free.
I'm enjoying it while it lasts, nose gourmet and all.
"Troll Gold Alert! Troll Gold Alert! Waaaaaaah! Waaaaaaaaah! Waaaaaaaaah!"
Shocked is an understatement. He looked at me and busted out laughing like I've never heard him before.
I've told him that was "troll gold" before. Boogers. Nose crust. Critters.
"You do know that if you continue to do this, you will turn into a toothless troll, right?"
"Nah-uh" he squeaks, giggling.
"Well, everytime I see you do that I'm going to sound the 'troll gold alert' and I don't care where we are or who we're with," I say.
In the past I've used the troll as a threat. Lately he avoids brushing his teeth and I have to do it. My friend told me that they tell their little boy that his teeth will turn black if he doesn't brush. He snaps to it. For me, this turned into,
"You're teeth are going to turn black, fall out AND you'll turn into a troll!"
50/50 chance it works. Not everything little Sweet Pea does is so adorable. He prefers to run around half naked and even when it's freezing out, he'll come spinorking outside to frolic, dangling his bits to the wind as if he were some little extra on 'Quest for Fire.' Oblivious to people, he's all non-chalant and free.
I'm enjoying it while it lasts, nose gourmet and all.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
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