My brother and his girlfriend gaze at one another over the glow of candle light, rosy flushed cheeks, smiling at their new baby boy. The pure love is palpable.
Snowflake enjoys his first Thanksgiving meal in his highchair all by himself, savoring every last bite, although most of his sweet potatoes make him look like a newly tinted redhead.
The conversation is bright, lively and comfortable. My dad begins to speak, telling us all how happy and fortunate he feels to have such a wonderful family. He begins to choke up as he remembers my brother Thom who died five years ago. He would have been 34 years old on the 29th. Sid and I rally around him, comforting him with words and love.
We savor this meal and afterwards everyone enjoys congregating in the kitchen, telling funny stories as we clean the joint back up. Then we all gather around the fireplace for warm snifters of Brandy and these amazing mints Mother made from scratch. It is a beautiful evening that ends with lots of hugs, warmth and love as Sid & Nancy and I leave their home to go our separate ways.
Looking back I can see them, standing in the open doorway, arms intertwined, waving goodbye to us on this dark, cold starry filled night. I swear to God there is a little twinkle off my mom's teeth when she smiles as I leave.
Thomas Kinkade could not paint the high voltage glow bursting out of the windows at this family homestead.
The reality is just so, so... so NOT Thomas Kinkade. The only glow coming from this house were the flames coming off the bottom of my feet as I Mach-Oned it out of there, slamming the door as I went. It was the usual send off of holiday fare for our clan.
The meal was exquisite. Every morsel delectable to the last crumb. I think Sid and Big Dad were done within 15 minutes tops. Then it was off to the couch for the sound of silence and more beer. The drone of the television taking the place of any thoughtful conversation.
The ladies and babies enjoyed this ocassion, lingering in the dining room, laughing and enjoying every moment together. Leftovers stashed, dishes done. Big Dad and Sid retreated to the den to watch "Goodwill Hunting" just as we joined them, leaving us alone for more bonding time.
Movie completed, it was time for Sid and Nancy to leave to join her parents for Thanksgiving #2. Car loaded, goodbyes said, Big Dad joins us in the living room, turning on the television to watch football.
"Did Sid seem a little down to you?", mom says to my dad.
"Yeah. He just visited with his friend who is a successful real estate agent in Florida and has a life," he says, "He's thinking about his life and it's disgusting!"
"Just like what you're doing, it's a shame," he directs to me.
Here we go...
I don't need to get into the sordid details here, but basically what I hear is, IT'S DISGUSTING=YOU'RE DISGUSTING. IT'S A SHAME=YOU ARE AN EMBARASMENT TO ME and so on and so forth. Like Faberge Organics shampoo & Farrah Faucett, it all keeps multiplying over and over. Then the whole go back to school topic comes up. I totally kept my cool, informed them that Snowflake and I would be spending Christmas together HERE because I refuse to spend special times with someone who obviously thinks so little of me. Why fake love? Why fake it for the sake of holidays?
I will not allow Snowflake to grow up thinking that the way his Gramps treats people(women) is normal. Snowflake is going to have self esteem made of steel. Yet, he will be compassionate and sensitive to all plights.
We left and Snowflake fell asleep almost immediately in the car which gave me time to bawl my eyes out to Scarborrough Fair, which just happened to be on my radio.
Will this ever end I thought to myself. Master of Light? Master of Bullshit is more like it. The lights are on, but that glow is so false. Thomas Kinkade can kiss my white ass.
imaginary, family, thanksgiving, holidays, Thomas Kinkade, bullshit
2 comments:
ugh. I truly believe that the holidays bring out the worst in people. ba-fucking-humbug. Can I just tell you I just returned from Thanksgiving at the "in-laws" where my mother in law fed my child snacks off her garbage can/box. "But it is just the right height for him...I don't car if it had hands to feed him, it is NASTY.
Ick. I dread the holidays too. I was soooo happy when they were done. It's so hard to have to spend time with people that you just don't have that much in common with. How many of us would choose our family members as friends? I have to be thankful that my parents and my in-laws have raised me and my husband to be the people we are now. But how the hell did it happen? How can we be so different from them?
Anyhow, your dad may never realize that raising your son is so much more important and valuable than 'getting' an education. Chin up. You know in your heart what's right. You and snowflake are lucky to have each other.
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