Wednesday, September 28, 2011


So much stuff has happened since last I wrote on my poor neglected blog. I met an amazing person. He's super cool, super nice and just sweet. We've been dating for a little over a month and I sense there are some challenges ahead of us. And maybe we operate in weird ways. I really have nothing to compare it against since I haven't dated in a lifetime and it has been the most normal relationship I've experienced. I don't know.

Being a single sole parent, I'm not ready to just jump in and introduce SF to him and vice versa. I honestly don't know what to do about it. I have said that I won't introduce anyone to him unless it is serious because if it's not, what is the point? This course of actions proves to be not so much fun, the road less traveled. We end up seeing eachother once a weekend. Or, if I'm fortunate, my parents keep him overnight. But still... you know how it is when you like someone and you can't just see them when you want? It sucks.

And that's another thing. My mother. I sometimes wonder if she truly ever wants me to be happy. She gives me the silent treatment because I haven't had marathon conversations with her lately. Nor did I tell her or anyone for that matter about this person I dig. I hate passive aggressiveness. Contrast this with her overwhelming support of my brother's relationship, new since Father's Day. I mean Christ, he can do no wrong. Can I vent? She stays overnight. His kid is there. Whatev. He did something really incredibly stupid and she hid it from me. What was it?

Driving completely shitfaced with his kid in the car to meet her parents for the first time. WTF. His GF ended up telling me. Sometimes I just want to run away screaming from everyone and everything. There is nothing I can do to convince anyone of the bullshit beauty that is life. Can I handle a relationship? IDK. This person is facing some difficulty and it seems like I can't cheer them up. It seems sad, like a bummer and that combined with the fact that we have limited contact just seems hard and impossible. I want to positive, but it seems like everything is always such a fvcking battle all the time. I am only one person and I realize that although I think I can do all of this alone, I can't.


Mr Lonely said...

walking here with a smile. take care.. have a nice day ~ =D

Regards, (A Growing Teenager Diary) ..

merinz said...

Hey Heidi - hang on in there. Your Mother's silent treatment is just a form of control!
Seems to me that you are treading a careful path and taking SF's feelings into account as a responsible Mother would.
Take care.

J at said...

I would say going carefully is the way to go, esp with Snowflake in the picture. And if this person is facing some difficulty, that might be more than you want to bring into SF's life right now. And little boys really seem to attach to someone they might consider a 'father figure', so yeah, I'd wait until I know he's going to be around awhile before I got SF involved. Which sucks and isn't easy or fun, and I've never had to do it, so no judging, however it works for you.

Nevertheless, you deserve to be happy. As does this guy. As does SF. I hope you can make it work somehow. :)

nutrix morbidus said...

HOLLY SHIT !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wrong words, right magnitude. I am SO happy for you, dear !!! I am also in total awe of where you are and where I am, and I am right there with you, gurl. I am now single and newly in love with someone facing trouble as well but an amazing man..I am afraid to think outloud..Mom wants to know more than I'm willing to tell as well..Life is great, bummers and all, I understand you taking it slow -- I am too, for once..Godspeed, never mind the well-wishers, do what you think is right and good luck, to both of us.