It's the day after my birthday. A New Day. I sort of regurgitated everything to a few co-workers this morning in the studio. I really didn't want to but I did. When I think about it, I don't think my mother has been happy since 2000. That is the year she found my brother dead on his living room floor.
I can't imagine it.
So I have a bit of guilt for acting the way I did and at the same time, I just don't care. Yesterday was a huge let-down. The bright spot and only nice thing about the day was that I received flowers from the preggo mama I shot the other night. Sweet. Cheerful.
My mother called this morning to tell SF that if he was good in school this week she would take him to his Valentine's Day dance on Friday. Honestly, I don't want to go. I don't feel like being around all the perfect people, the complete families. Me, the single parent. It's just depressing and awkward.
I just want to find a simple way in this life. I am not unhappy. I am responsible for my own happiness.