Tuesday, December 15, 2009

When the Time Comes

Last night I let Charlie sit on the couch next to me and cuddle. It is so difficult to see him coughing, rasping and just so tired. I heard him coughing at 3am and I wondered if he would be alright. This morning he greeted me with his usual gift of happiness, although not as vigorous.

I took him for a car ride to take Snowflake to school. I heaved him up into the front seat with all my might. He just curled up with his head down on the console, glancing up at me every once in a while. I drove out to Petco to see if I could get him some soft dog food. Yesterday, I had to hold his bowl for him. Hard dog food is difficult for him. They didn't open until 9am so I drove home.

We went for our usual walk up the street. One block. He couldn't make it. On the way back down, he just stopped and laid down on the cold, snowy ground. I let him rest. He stopped again a few feet later, in the road. My neighbors came outside and asked me if they could help. I said no. They gave me hugs and I just started to cry. My friend told me that he's telling me it's time.

Tomorrow I will take him to the vet and I'm not sure what will happen. I can't afford expensive tests and that sucks. He is a dog that deserves all the stops pulled out. At the same time, I will not let him just hang on for my benefit. It's utterly horrible to see him this way. I will do right by him, it's just so hard.

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