Monday, January 24, 2011

nothing ventured

You'd think by the time 42 rolls around you'd have some semblance of a life. I do have a "life". I breathe, I eat. I think it is the traditional sense of what defines adulthood is what my life lacks. I still have a flip flopity dangling umbilcal cord attached to my parents. Good things happen, but financially, I get nowhere. I went back to school, graduated at the top of the class and still don't have a job.

I lie.

I have a "job". A job that pays me $10 hour for doing stuff that I like. When I see the work that I am capable of, what all these fellow photographers are capable of, it blows my mind. It's like we're picking away at the giant coal deposit deep in the mine. There is no light down here, just work. We live in the anonymous glory of the beauty shots for shoes that we see months before anyone else. We are shutter monkeys.

In the mire of all of this, I have continued on with my Couch to 5K training. I started week four yesterday morning and completed the first workout. I thought I was going to die, but miraculously I made it. This session consists of a five minute warm up(brisk walking), a three minute run. ninety second rest, five minute run, two minute rest, three minute run, ninety second rest, five minute run and cool down for five minutes.

I never think I'm going to make it, but somehow I do. The story of my life.


J at said...

I think we all feel that way sometimes, waiting to grow up and be who we want to be. I'm 45. I don't need my parents anymore, financially, but if I were single I would. My job is boring. I love my husband and my child. It's all a matter of perspective. I don't think you are failing by not being married and having that two income cushion. I do think you should cut yourself some slack for getting by without it. My mom was the same way. We were always broke, and she often borrowed money from my grandparents, and I know it bothered her. But on one income, it's just too much. I wish that weren't true, but it's a comment on our society, not on you.

Feel free to wish for more. To be frustrated with where you are, if it can bring you more. But also, know that many of us out here admire you, for being a wonderful daughter, a wonderful mother, a wonderful artist, and a fun and wonderful person, as well. Hang in there.

word verification "opined'. Ha! I'm opining.

Ms. Mamma said...

Jules, you should be be my "life coach". You always have encouraging words to lift me up. And you're not a bullshitter and I admire that. XO