Saturday, May 17, 2008

Conversation Hearts

Mommy loves you, I say. You will always be the most important person in my life, even when you're a big man. I will always love you the most.

My beautiful boy(curled up and cuddled on me, his mondo megawatt blues illuminated) says,

Mommy, when you die I'll need another mommy to be nice to me and take care of me.

(lump begins to form in throat)

Hopefully that won't happen for a very long time. I'm sure you'll be a grown man, maybe with babies of your own. Look at Great Granny, she's going to be 94. Maybe I'll live that long and that is a very long time together.

But when you die, I'll be all alone.

You will not be all alone. You'll have Holden and Anthony and Lydia. You'll always have family.(he doesn't believe me, I can tell)

But when you die, I'll be really sad. When you die, I'll cry.
(can eyes really be THIS big and blue and clear)
(he is on the verge of eyes are beginning to water).

Oh, I know, I know. I hold him closer and tell him I love him again and soon thereafter he falls asleep on my chest like a tiny giant size human kitten.