Friday, May 08, 2015

Experiments with Boys

When last I left you, I was single and dear sweet Snowflake just survived the dreaded head lice attack.  I've always been the type to overreact  so I immediately grabbed everything in sight, stuffed it into garbage bags and threw it all in the trash forever.  Speaking of that little darling, he called me from school, just now.

We had an agreement.  Today was "Ride Your Bike to School" Day.  We agreed he would ride his bike to school, come home afterwards into the usual self imposed ipad isolation for a full hour and a half ie- no friends allowed over, let the dogs and chill until I get home. 

But of course he has to test me.

He wanted to go home, drop off his gear, let the dogs out and go lollygaggin' with his bros.  Fu-chi is in sixth grade and has funky bleached hair on top.  Timmy and U-Pang are inseparable.  The four of them hang out at  Werle Park.  That's pronounced Whirly, like swirly.  My worry is that all these fellas know mom is not at home.  That's scary.

Especially when you take into account that the other Friday night he performed an "experiment" in his room that involved a Q-Tip soaked in Axe, a lighter, a Mellow Yellow can and the aforementioned Axe aerosol as a blow torch. 

The idea was to make the paint on the can turn into "chrome."  It took the paint right off revealing the shiny aluminum body.  He did not burn the house down but it did leave the ENTIRE house smelling of ASS.  Because AXE smells like ASS to me.  It's that cheap, perfumey trying to cover up my stinky BO smell.  It gives me a headache.  Which reminds me of getting car sick from the smell of my mother's Nina Ricci L'Air Du Temps.  Yuck.

After that little experiment he brought it outside to "show" me what he was up to.  In total shock, I asked him what he was thinking.  Nothing apparently.  Yeah.

By this time it was probably 10:30 pm.  He followed up and redeemed himself by digging up and reclaiming his sandbox in preparation for a summer garden.  He and his friend Pascal worked hard by the light of his iPhone 5s balanced delicately on the wooden edge of box.  Meanwhile Hammer and I drank delicious craft beer by the light of the full moon.

Hammer.  Two years ago I married that man.  He's absolutely the coolest middle aged 12 year old I've ever met.  We're best friends.  My best friend is boy!  A boy.

3 comments:

MsBaby said...

After all of these years, it's nice to come back and see that you and Snowflake are doing well. You may not remember me, but I was a frequent visitor back in the day.

Enjoy the summer!

MsBaby

Ms. Mamma said...

Ms. Baby- Of course I remember you! How are you doing? I hope you're well! Hugs, lady!

Yelena Upart said...

I second MsBaby..missed your blog
Glad you are doing well Ms Mamma :)