my little pisces

The Astrological birth sign of Pisces (February 19 - March 20)is usually associated with being extremely creative, sensitive, and artistic, and as having a healthy fascination with the metaphysical and spiritual.

Pisces are the most intuitive and spiritually developed of the zodiac birth signs. Aptly called "old souls", Pisces thirst for spiritual knowledge and personal growth. They are the twelfth, and last, of the Zodiac signs, and as such, tend to have a more finely tuned intuition, sixth sense or extrasensory ability to perceive others feelings.

eat me

I spent Sunday afternoon grossing myself out by watching "Eaten Alive" on Animal Planet. It was so disgusting I couldn't look away. All I know is I never want a female bot fly to bite me, leaving one of her eggs to grow a freaky worm under my skin. Or to get a tapeworn and have hundreds of cysts incubating in my brain causing what the typical doctor around here would most likely diagnose as a simple 'migraine'. It made me thankful that I didn't have a penis so that the dreaded candiru couldn't swim up my urethra. I've got to remember to be thankful for the little things.

did i mention

...one of sf's favorite phrases is "a-double-s". he'd say things like, "what do you want a big cup of (a-double-s) or something?" or "let me talk about a-double-s's)" or the classic "you look like a (a-double-s) head". i finally had to break down and tell him that YES! you know how to spell a word and what the word he spelled meant. now he only uses it for effect or when we're in public. what a guy.

waiting

...for his master to return from the surf. or is that snow?

onward

I cannot stand people that won't put in the work, the time, the effort. Like people who want something from you and whine about not getting it when they don't put in the effort to make you want to do what they want. And then they put the guilt trip on you. "F" them. Know what I mean?

I'm glad that I can handle being a loner. I have my fits of mini-despression and poor me, but then I get over it. There are times I wonder if I shouldn't just take a little pill, but then I think I don't want to be labeled. I put enough labels on myself. The feeling passes and I go on. I can't afford to wallow in it. I have way too much shit going on.

As far as my birthday is concerned, I feel like I have been ripening on the vine. A late bloomer. I appreciate things so much more now than when I was in my 20's. I know I wouldn't have been as good of a single mother. I know what is important and what's not.

In some ways, I feel like a kid again. I have my whole life ahead of me. And no one is going to stop me.

presents!

Would anybody like a 2009 Marshfield Clinic Fine Art Calendar featuring my work in the month of August? Yes, you'll get all 12 months, including my month!

ambient

I put a request out there for a musician to create an original score for my film. Of course, I can't pay you anything, but you will get credits and a copy or two of the film, I wrote. Within an hour, I received a response from someone. He sent me links to samples and HOLY SHIT! He is incredible! Did I mention his work sounds like something David Lynch would use?! YES!

I'm scared though.

I pitched my idea to him and I don't know what he'll think. I think it's hilarious, but he might be all about the seriousness of things. My mantra for today is: YOU'LL NEVER KNOW UNLESS YOU PUT IT OUT THERE.

mad, mad idea!

i am so excited! it took me a week but i've come up with a killa idea for my film. in addition, my extremely good looking friends have decided to help me out and be my STARS! let me just say, it's a twisty remake of Rosemary's Baby. i bust out laughing everytime i think of the final scene. stay tuned...

workin' it

it's about 6:30 pm and in a few moments i will be leaving the lab. the la-bor-a-tor-eee. my second home. i'd go to the Y-M-C-A, but i'm too lazy to rush home, get my kit and leave right away. sf is at the padres so i'm thinking that it is a ME night after 8.5 hours of straight work. i am exhilarated and exhausted all at once. time for vino. L'Chaim, amigos!

way up north

school, yes my school has been closed for two days because of the bitterly cold temperature. this really sucks because i use their gear for everything. there is a bright spot though. their server works better on my mac than in the school. how f-ed is that?

i feel good. nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah, so good. i'm gonna read 60 frickin' pages of "Visual Basic 2005: An Object Oriented Approach". i'm calm. i went to the Y-M-C-A and then took a shower. i smell all pink grapefruity shea butterish. i smell so good in fact, i want to hug myself. maybe i'll make a date with myself later.

the universe is speaking

the sun is shining brightly but it's deathly cold. the other night some guy sleepwalked out of his house and froze to death. school was canceled today. i feel like i have a fog hanging over me due to pinot evil. oy.

my parents called me and said someone left a message on the machine at work "thanking me for everything i had done for them". i was like, wtf, half giggling. in any case, it made my day. i recorded the message to my phone. i think someone is trying to send me a message.

clean the bathrooms.

i want to try

and write everyday. so my plan is to jot something down here just to keep my sanity. this morning i made some java in the senseo so i didn't have to buy any. it's tasty. i also ate a peanut butter crunch clif bar. i feel pretty good as i contemplate opening up powerpoint for the first time. ah, the computer lab, my second home. i love my bathtub. i enjoyed my bath this morning. the smell of honey, i washed the kids and the charity pot. that's me. ooooo. i forgot! my patchouli is in! must pick up! stinky, stinky.

making movies on location

Dear Diary-

WTF was I thinking when I decided to man up to 18 credits of educational challenge? Not only am I swimming in the graphical sea and crawling around the web(all the while chewing on a big thick book about Visual Basic), I have to make a real movie from conception to release. It has to be at least three minutes in length. I definitely don't want to edit baby video. Or put together some mellodramatic bucket of serendipitous memories. Do I go off the deep end and make some ode to David Lynch, with my own secret meaning? Or do I stick to what I know and make a good old fashioned schtick about a girl and her snowblower...

malm in my room

This is the malm bed I scored on my maiden voyage to ikea. Originally I was set up to buy the queen in a deep brownish black at full price(199 + 60 for slats + 10 for the midbeam). Lucky me. On the way to the check out I spied the as-is section and found the same bed in birch veneer for only $79!( The damage is so minute and not visible I couldn't pass it up since I'm mega pobrecita). I felt a wave of relief sweep over me as I knew I wouldn't break the bank on this. It was a match made in heaven and Poland. No wonder I love this bed. It was a cinch for one person to set up and it sleeps as good as it looks. I feel so grown up by going up 5" up off the floor!

pelicanos*

*they both have big mouths

me looking skyward

time marches on

I am a frustrated single parent that wonders what the fuck I'm doing. I am a full time student with nary an existence of a social life. Part of this is me feeling sorry for myself. I do and I bawl about it sometimes. My immediate family is tiny and my brother and I share a birthday and we don't get along. I feel like I don't share anything real with him. When I talk to him it's like talking to a Freud like creature that withholds his own opinions yet absorbs mine silently like a sponge.

My 40th birthday is coming along very 'soonly' and I don't know what to do. Fuck. I am not close to anyone. It's not a very good feeling. I suppose I made it this way. I take responsibility for my part. And now I pay the price. Silence is requested from the peanut gallery.