Blossom and Fade

At the beginning of the month we had a 'snowball' fight.


He made an angel for me and now the month is almost gone.

If You Had Wings...

i'd probably bite your head off.

WTF

I just stumbled upon our fair berg's Craigslist. I'm just a tad obsessed for the moment. Tomorrow I'm going to pick up something I found on it. Damn, it's cool. Do you peruse Craiglist? Do you like it?

Psyched!

I have a friend, a total camera guru who has literally almost every great camera made. I called him up last week and asked him if he'd borrow me his Rolleiflex TSR. I think he was more excited than I was. Of course I could use it. And a light meter and the Mamiya medium format if I'd like. And if I was interested, he'd let me use one of his field cameras. This produces a 4" x 5" negative(kind of like what Ansel Adams used back in the day).

It's amazing what a simple phone call and a major colon blow can do for a person's psyche. Have a GREEEEAAAAAAAT DAY!

It Is What It Is

You know I've been in a mood, a funk, a fandangoed frickasse. Sorry if I haven't left a comment in a while. Whenever I'm around a fast modem I stop by. It makes me realize I need to edit my links list and clear away the clutter. Anyway, I ate too much very salty Sam's cheese pizza this evening and now I feel like a dehydrated Sea Urchin about to give birth to a manatee. Sick.

Saturday morning I took a bath and decided I needed a change after staring in the mirror. I found a dull pair of Fiskars and lopped off my length. Yeah, look over there...the casacading shoulder length keratin is now a feisty, fringy bob. It only took three machismo-like cuts and it was over. Sorry Locks of Love, this went straight down the crapper. Someone said 'man, you have a-lotta balls to do that'. I'm thinking damn, honey, it's just hair and it's not like I went all butch on myself. Sheesh.

So now I'm contemplating a streak of blue, pink or green. Like everything in life, I just don't know.

Blowing Myself

I want to thank my little sweetles for giving me the encouragment to smile. Chrissy, jMo, Christine, AM, J, NWO, LaLuna, Nina, Gem. Excuse me if I forgot anyone as I'm on my second glass of BOHO.

I have exciting news to share. Tonight I won 1st runner up Best of Show for 'skyworms' in the Creatures show at the Central Wisconsin Cultural Center in Wisconsin Rapids, Wisconsin. I tied with a person that awes me... we both scored 48 out of 50 points. She received best of show for a sculpture. This is a person whose resume reads like the Holy Grail. Currently, she's the artist in residence at The Grand Canyon. So, for the momento, I am very pleased, even if the ice caps are melting.

In other news, I had two pieces selected for a national juried show. THey actually print a catalog so I'm walking on helium as I type. That and the vino are sending me skyward at the moment. The day was great. XOXO

I'm Nervous and Bad with Money

Gah. I have so much crap spinning in my head right now I don't know what to do. So I usually do nothing. Most of the time I float along aimlessly with the slight annoying anxiety fluttering at the back of my mind. It's always there. I checked my bank account and my balance was frighteningly low. I pissed away my 'stimulous' check by paying bills and buying a couple of bird feeders and some plants for landscaping. Frickasse. I have to finish the cello project, I need a job, I'm gonna return to school in the fall and unemployment disappears soon. I can't say this has been a take charge experience for me. I function really well with out medication or alcohol. Excuse me while I go throw up now.

Just Hangin' Around

waiting for the sky to fall

You May Think

I'm Phat


But honestly, I'm just

Fat.

Hot Roller

The Cat Who Rides Shotgun

Pugnoir

high drama with my love pug

Have a Sweet Holiday

Coulda Been Indiana Jo

I'm taking SF to see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull at HIGH NOON. I know it's PG-13, but damn it, I'm gonna be irresponsible for once. There was a time when I contemplated naming him Indiana, after my favorite fictional childhood hunk. SF might have been Indiana Jo(my middle name). Ah, Indiana... I still like it.

JacK Benny (For Chas)

Came back as the frog in my parents pond.

Sunny

sunny, yesterday my life was filled with rain.
sunny, you smiled at me and really eased the pain.
oh, the dark days are done and the bright days are here,
my sunny one shines so sincere.
oh, sunny one so true, i love you.

sunny, thank you for the sunshine bouquet.
sunny, thank you for the love you brought my way.
you gave to me your all and all,
now i feel ten feet tall.
oh, sunny one so true, i love you.

sunny, thank you for the truth you've let me see.
sunny, thank you for the facts from a to z.
my life was torn like a windblown sand,
then a rock was formed when we held hands.
sunny one so true, i love you.

sunny, thank you for that smile upon your face.
sunny, thank you for that gleam that flows with grace.
you're my spark of nature's fire,
you're my sweet complete desire.
sunny one so true, i love you. - Bobby Hebb, Nashville, Tennessee 1966

I Stand Alone

I have a brother who died eight years ago this August. Today was the birthday of his son, newly 14. We went out to his mother's house and hung out, had a nosh and some drinks. I looked through a book of photographs and saw a picture of my brother with his son on his sixth birthday. It made me emotional.

Later, I ended up in the kitchen with his mother and the talk turned intimate.

"Like what if there is no heaven and this is all there is" she said. I told her earlier about my conversation last night with Snowflake.

"If this is all there is then you have to make every moment count" I say.

"Do you think you'll ever get married? Do you want to get married? Because when I left Dan and dated Dave it was weird."

"I can't imagine ever being comfortable enough again to get naked with someone" I said.

"I hear you"(she is a gorgeous woman in every aspect) she says, "with Dan I can really be myself. I can tell him I have to take a shit. There was time when I just finished giving myself a French Manicure and I didn't know if I should have him wipe my ass or tell him not to come near me because I wasn't gonna wipe."

"You're lucky to have that, to be so comfortable and laid back" I smile.

"Yes, but the dude can be too laid back. Like he doesn't plan for his future. I want to be married someday. What about you? Do you want to be married?"

****imagine deer stuck in the headlights here****

"Um, well it would be great to be with someone."

"Well, I can't imagine you married" (OUCH)

Our conversation gets a little deeper (she tells me about all of the patients that don't have family or in case of emergency people) and me a little weepier and just about the time the damn is going to break I blurt out somewhat laughingly,

"I don't want to be alone, the crazy lady on the corner with the dogs and the camera, but I can do alone" I say.

She grabs me and gives me a big hug and tells me that she's here for me. It brings some comfort in this unstable and shrinking world. A world in which I know I can definitely wipe my own ass.

Conversation Hearts

Mommy loves you, I say. You will always be the most important person in my life, even when you're a big man. I will always love you the most.

My beautiful boy(curled up and cuddled on me, his mondo megawatt blues illuminated) says,

Mommy, when you die I'll need another mommy to be nice to me and take care of me.

(lump begins to form in throat)

Hopefully that won't happen for a very long time. I'm sure you'll be a grown man, maybe with babies of your own. Look at Great Granny, she's going to be 94. Maybe I'll live that long and that is a very long time together.

But when you die, I'll be all alone.

You will not be all alone. You'll have Holden and Anthony and Lydia. You'll always have family.(he doesn't believe me, I can tell)

But when you die, I'll be really sad. When you die, I'll cry.
(can eyes really be THIS big and blue and clear)
(he is on the verge of tears...my eyes are beginning to water).

Oh, I know, I know. I hold him closer and tell him I love him again and soon thereafter he falls asleep on my chest like a tiny giant size human kitten.